Posts Tagged With: Hades

Club Hell

Posted on June 8, 2023 by pauldelancey

Ancient Greek Hell (Hades) was a paler, grayer version of life on Earth. Everything was less substantial. Whereas on Earth, you could bench press 600 pounds, you’d be hard pressed to pick up a package from Amazon(tm). And my, its sky was perpetually overcast and gray, like a winter in Wisconsin or the Netherlands.

You wouldn’t like the Christian Hell of the Middle Ages either. Sure you felt much more energetic, but that was only so you acutely feel your skin bubbling from Hell’s intense fires.

So, both places suck.

But what if? What if you could merge the Greek hell with that Medieval hell? The temperatures would even out to a nice temperate temperature of say, 74 degrees. All the time. The Greek gray would be cancelled by the Hellish red of Middle Europe. This would certainly result in blue skies. It would. It would. You’d have Hell’s energy allied with Hades’ buff bods. What could be better than having a magnificent body on a lush, tropical island?

Club Hell(tm), people are dying to go there.

 

Greek hell                 and medieval Christian Hell yields                  Club Hell

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
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­My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Why the Greek Gods Died Off

Posted on June 4, 2023 by pauldelancey

According to the ancient Greeks,  you tried hard to make your way the underworld, Hades. Hades was not as fun as life on Earth, but still much better than wandering the Earth forever as invisible and restless spirit. So you started your afterlife journey to Hades. Soon, you arrived at the river Styx. It was too wide and cold to swim. And really how man yancient Greeks new how to swim?

So, your only viable way to cross was by using Charon theBboatman’s ferry. Charon demanded a gold coin as his fee. No gold coin, no passage. No Hades.

So you made sure to have a gold coin on you in case you died. However, Achilles was cheap. He didn’t want give Charon a gold coin, when he the brave Achilles could spend it while alive. So he had only a chocolate coin to bay the Boatman. But as the chocolate coin came clad in gold-colored foil, it fooled Charon. Achilles thus crossed the river and made it into Hades.

But eventually there was a hot day in Hell. Achilles’ gold coin melted. He, Charon, had been cheated. If Achilles felt bold enough to pay his way with chocolate, why then all future Greeks would do the same.  The red mist descended around Charon. He wanted to kill every Greek hed meet. As all those people would already be dead, he wouldn’t even be able to do that.

He decided, there and then, to never again ferry people to Hades. Greeks soon learned of Charon’s no-ferry list. No Hades for them. So now what was the point of believing and sacrifing to the gods? So the Greeks stopped their sacrifices. The gods, deprived of their sustenance soon faded away.

This is why we no longer have Zeus, Athena, Poseidon, and the rest of that lot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
­

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Honduran Baleadas

Posted on June 9, 2014 by pauldelancey

Honduran Entree

BALEADAS

INGREDIENTSBaleadas-

1 cup queso duro or cotija
8 8″ flour tortillas
1 15-ounce can refried beans
1/2 cup crema agria or crema Mexicana

OPTIONAL INGREDIENTS

4 scrambled eggs
2 thinly sliced avocados

PREPARATION

Shred or grated the cheese, queso duro or cotija. Fry refried beans in pan using medium heat for 5 minutes. Stir occasionally. While beans fry, place a tortilla in another pan. Cook on medium heat for 30-to-40 seconds or until tortilla softens completely. Repeat for all tortillas.

Spread an equal amount of refried beans over each tortilla. Sprinkle cheese equally over the refried-bean topped tortilla. (Add optional ingredients here.) Drizzle crema agria on top of refried beans. Fold tortilla in half.

TIDBITS

1) The monastic followers of Pythagoras believed our souls entered Hades, the afterworld, through the stems of bean plants. Hades was the place where our souls found their new bodies, kinda like transferring data via a memory stick to a new laptop after the old one crashes.

2) So if you ate beans or even damaged them, you could have very well denied a soul access to the very bean roots it needed to get to Hades. No trip to Hades via healthy bean roots, no new body for the soul. No more soul would have meant complete oblivion for all time.

3) Which is a bummer.

4) So, Pythagoras’ followers held it was a sin to eat beans or even walk through bean fields.

5) If these people had been able to gain control of the governments of all the Greek city states, future cuisines would have been devastated. For example, what would Mexican food, one of the world’s great cuisines, be without beans? And what would life be without Beanie WeeneesTM?

6) Fortunately, the Greeks of the Classical Age were perpetually at war with each other and never had time to seriously debate the Pythagorians’ bean-route-to-Hades belief. However, Pythagoras’ theorem is still taught to eager legions of students who can go home and reenergize themselves with Beanee Weenees. Life is good.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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