Posts Tagged With: field goal attempts

Refrigerator Pickles

American Appetizer

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REFRIGERATOR PICKLES

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INGREDIENTS
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1½ tablespoons salt
1½ tablespoons sugar
2 cups white vinegar
2¾ cups cold water
2 pounds Kirby cucumbers of pickling cucumbers
4 teaspoons coriander seeds
10 sprigs fresh dill
6 garlic cloves
½ tablespoon mustard seeds
½ teaspoon red pepper flakes
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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2-to-3 4-Cup Mason jars.
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Serves 6-to-8. Takes 25 minutes plus 30 hours for marinating.
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PREPARATION
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Make sure Mason jars have been sterilized. Add salt, sugar, and vinegar to pot. Cook at high heat until salt and sugar dissolve. Transfer contents to mixing bowl. Add cold water. Mix with spatula or fork. This is the brine.
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Divide cucumbers equally betweens Mason jars. Smash garlic cloves. Divide brine, coriander seeds, dill sprigs,  garlic, mustard seeds, and red pepper flakes evenly between Mason jars. Discard excess brine. Seal lids on Mason jars. Chill in refrigerator for 30 hours.
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TIDBITS
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1) Number One Son said, “It tastes nice. It tastes like a pickle.”
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2) *Beams*
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3) Lots of things taste like chicken. This is because lots of animals share a common flying-dinosaur ancestor.
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4) Chickens can fly. I believe the record for chicken flight is 243.
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5) I cannot fly at all. I am not as good as chicken.
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6) Can you imagine what football would be like if we could fly? I don’t know why the NFL doesn’t sign chickens. A chicken could fly up and swat down a field-goal attempt. I’d pay to see that.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Two Barriers Broken In the NFL

The kickers’ nightmare

Today, two barriers fell in the National Football League. For a scant ten minutes ago, Carl La Fong, press secretary for the hapless New York Giants, announced they had just signed LeChat to a three-year, $32.1 million contract.

When asked why the Giants spent so much on an unknown player, La Fong blurted out, “The Bears do the same thing with quarterbacks.”

Almost as an afterthought, La Fong said, “Ms. LeChat is also a kitten.”

It took minutes for the uproar to die down. Finally Amos Keeto of the Salem Sentinel said, “Why on Earth, would you sign a cat?”

LaFong shrugged. “We’re the Giants.”

“Where will the cat play?” asked Keeto.

“Kitten.”

“Excuse me, kitten. Where will the kitten play?”

“On defense, specifically on punts and field-goal attempts. That kitten has a leap and a stretch that you won’t believe. Oh, and LeChat is female. Her name’s Yvette LeChat.”

“About time,” muttered Juana Danz of Glass Ceiling Magazine.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Carl La Fong, sports | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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