Posts Tagged With: diseases

World Marbles Challenge

Akeem “The Thumb” Hassan, this year’s favorite

Yes indeed, sports fans, the 47th  World Marbles Challenge starts tomorrow in Kotzebue, Alaska and ends in Durban, South Africa. This course shall be quite the challenge for the globe’s top marbleists with: freezing blizzards, snow blindness, sheer icy cliffs, thirst, starvation, encounters with the Yukon’s very few remaining mastodons, rapids, rush hour in Seattle, cars passing them at 90 miles per hour on freeways, lutefisk vendors, border walls, Black Friday sales, jungle diseases, boa constrictors, gangs of apes, the New York Times(tm) sunday crossword, poisonous snakes, terrorists, pandemics, kidnappers, blow darts, storms in the Atlantic Ocean, crossing the Atlantic in tiny rafts purchased by collecting labels from Ovaltine jars, collisions with oil tankers millions of times larger than the tiny rafts, fishing for fish and pulling up sharks and killer whales, bicycle couriers, more jungles, traversing lands bloodied by unrelenting civil war, Walmart(tm) parking lots, carrying the tons of water needed to cross the Sahara dessert, salesmen, plunging down the world’s greatest waterfalls, poisonous spiders, scorpions,getting eating by crocodiles, getting crushed by hippos, lack of internet connection, and murderous gangs.

Then the Marbles Challenge gets difficult. It’s no picnic moving your marble forward twelve hours a day for six months. What if you lose your shooter? What if you get thumb-tunnel syndrome? It’s best not to dwell on this.

Go luck marbleists! May this be the year that one of you crosses the finish line.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: sports | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fixing America’s Health Care With the TSA

Our country lies way down the list of developed countries in terms of effectiveness and in cost of our private health-care system. Moreover, many Americans complain quite bitterly about Obamacare, the president’s solution. America’s second biggest beef is the invasive full-body pat downs of the TSA at airports. What to do?

Simple. Give all the TSA personnel medical training. That way when they paw our breasts, squeeze our testicles, and probe our butts we could be getting tested for breast and prostate cancers FREE OF CHARGE.

We all know that prevention is much more effective in keeping us healthy than treatment after coming down with diseases. Thus, it is plain my proposal would save each American family thousands of dollars every year in lower medical bills.

Another benefit of my system is that health care could only get better with each different terrorist attempt to smuggle weapons onto a plane. Suppose, a no-goodnik smuggled a deadly explosive by shoving it way up his butt, it WOULD BE GREAT NEWS to all of us over 50. We’d get free colonoscopies from the hands-on folks of the TSA.

Now, if we could only get the TSA to recruit from Hooters and Chippendales.

– Paul R. De Lancey,  medical reporter.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Key-Lime Pie

American Dessert

KEY LIME PIE

INGREDIENTSKeyLimePie-

1 14-ounce can sweetened condensed milk
1/2 cup key lime juice
4 egg yolks
1 8″ graham-cracker crust.
1 can whipped cream

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric blender

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Add condensed milk, key lime juice, and egg yolks to mixing bowl. Blend with electric blender set to “whip” or “cream” until well blended. Pour mixture into graham-cracker crust. Bake pie in oven at 375 degrees for 15 minutes or until toothpick inserted into the pie’s center comes out clean. Cool on wire rack for 2 hours.  Note, key lime pies made with real key lime juice are not green. Add whipped cream if desired. Or even lots and lots of whipped cream.

TIDBITS

1) Contrary to what I would have wished the Key Lime did not come from Key West nor even Key Largo. I researched this by going to Key West and by watching the 1948 movie, Key Largo. Key Largo starred Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall, and Edward G. Robinson. None of these actors ate even a single Key Lime during the entire movie. After the movie? No one knows.

2) Key Limes were first grown in Southern Asia. Historians will tell you that Key Limes made their way to Spain, presumably by hitchhiking as these fruits don’t have legs. Actually, I doubt the whole hitchhiking theory as Key Limes do not have thumbs. You can tell they don’t just by looking at the tiny yellowish-green thingies.

3) Ship crews liked the take Key Limes as the fruit was high in vitamin C and prevented scurvy. Christopher Columbus took Key Limes on his voyages of discovery to the Americas. Indeed, culinary historians praise Spain for the bringing health-enhancing Key Lime to the New World.

4) Do other historians laud the European discoverers? Not so much, pointing to endless wars of conquest by the Spanish conquistadors, Old World diseases that decimated indigenous populations, and wholesale enslavement of the local tribes. Indeed, Europe didn’t balance things with the natives until they brought the hamburger to America in the 19th century. Kinda like a do-over.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.