The Birth of the Big Bang Theory

 

The Big Bang Theory’s Inspiration

On November 20, 2020, I confirmed the hypothesis of the Big Bang Theory by spilling a bag of tamarind pods onto the kitchen floor. But who came up with the theory in the first place? And how? Well, in 1949, Fred Hoyle accidentally tipped over his unassembled coffee maker. Coffee beans shot out of the maker at an incredible speed. Well, incredible for a tired uncaffeinated soul. A few minutes later, Fred had a cup of Joe in him. His synapses fired at a prodigious rate.

He surveyed the scattered coffee beans. “Yo ho! This is how the universe came into being. It has to be. It just has to.”

He called his theory, “The Scattered Coffee Beans Theory.” His friends thought this to be a mouthful. Fred mulled on it some more and by the time he started giving lectures on BBC radio, he had taken to calling the birth of the universe, “The Big Bang Theory.” His catchy phrase get on. It was a great breakthrough for a great man.

It is sobering to think that I could have been feted as the Father of the Big Bang Theory, if I had only managed to drop my tamarind pods 63 years earlier. On even if Mr. Hoyle had spilled his beans 63 years later. But neither scenario had happened. Hoyle became a scientific hero. I did not. Life is hard.

 

โ€“ Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook,ย Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel,ย Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available onย amazon.com.

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5 thoughts on “The Birth of the Big Bang Theory

  1. italiadiva

    Don’t worry, Paul. Your day will come. ๐Ÿ˜€

  2. You are absolutely right Dr Paul. I can also help extend your theory. I talked to one of the astronomers at my university recently to ask I my theory was on the right track.

    I propose that the mysterious Dark Matter that makes up 85% of the universe is actually used coffee grounds. I mean, how could God create such an awesome cosmos without sufficient coffee? And where did He dump the grounds afterwards?

    The astronomer thought for a moment and then said to me “You know, I have never thought about it that way before….”. I could see the draft of an embryonic journal article forming in his head by the look in his eyes ….

    • We are advancing the cause of science. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Go us – and I hope the Nobel Prize Committee recognise the error of their ways for ignoring you for so long… I mean, is a Higgs Boson more important than discovering the pivotal role coffee beans played in the early milliseconds after the primordial Big Bang?

        Since we have now figured out between us that coffee grounds explain Dark Matter, we should perhaps turn our focus onto figuring our what Dark Energy is? Hint: could it have anything to do with the energy produced when we consume Hershey or Cadbury Dark Chocolate Bars?

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