Perhaps the best Elvis impersonator festival in the world occurs in the summer at the Collingwood Elvis festival which thank goodness, is held in Collingwood, Ontario. It’s usually held the last weekend in July. Dang! That’s only two days from now. I don’t now if there will Covid restrictions. Sorry, there’s only so much the King can do.
This festival draws a variety of people . . . Oh heck, no it doesn’t. Only lovers of Elvis’ music will go. Oh, and Elvis impersonators. Expect to see lots and lots of Elvis impersonators. This is a good thing, however, if you love Elvis’s music and if you don’t love his songs, then why are you attending an Elvis festival?
And eat the food the King ate. See how many fried banana and peanut butter sandwiches you can devour during the festivities. Take a break and go to the nearby beach. With your Elvis batteries recharged, come back and see how many Elvises you can spot. Will he be wearing a leather jacket or a white jumpsuit? Will you see him by a goat? Will you see him on a boat? Will you see him in the park? Will you see him in the dark? Will you see him, oh so fair? Will you see him everywhere? Yes.
Elvis impersonators should note that applications are taken on a first come, first served basis. Also, don’t wear sequins. The judges know the King never wore sequins. So you will be marked down. Your so scored will be lowered enough that you’ll have no chance of winning the impersonation contest. You will return home, a broken man. Come to think of it, I don’t if a woman has ever competed. I imagine there’s been female Elvises, but I don’t know if they’ve competed here. If you do go to Collingwood to see the Kings, please let me know. At any rate there are four competitions: Canadian professional, Canadian nonprofessional, international nonprofessional and international professional.
The rest of us should put on our blue suede shoes and rock on at the Awesome Street Dance. Conclude your dancing with the midnight vigil for Elvis. Then get up in time for the Hunka Hunka Pancake Breakfast by the town hall. Bring your King size appetite. And Hell or high water won’t keep the true Elvis devotee from attending the Classic Automobile , Viper and Corvette Elvis Parade. Scads of impersonators will swarm in the cars and around them, swiveling their hips and singing away.
Get tickets well in advance for An Evening of Elvis Champions Past entertainers. You’ve spent a lot of money getting here, spending money on food, and souvenir. You deserve the best impersonators.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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