Posts Tagged With: Swedish

Swedish Pizza Salad

Swedish Entree

SWEDISH PIZZA SALAD

INGREDIENTS

1/2 cabbage
1 shallot
1 red bell pepper
1 medium carrot

1/2 cup olive oil
1/4 cup white vinegar
1/4 cup water
1 teaspoon salt
3/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon allspice

PREPARATION

Shred cabbage. Dice shallot, red bell pepper, and carrot. Mix together in big bowl.

Combine olive oil, vinegar, water, salt, pepper, and allspice in a sauce pan. Stir occasionally as you bring it to a boil. Pour it immediately into bowl with cabbage and fixings.

Eat right away or allow a few hours in the refrigerator for the salad to cool and marinate and to, of course, engage in arm wrestling with your athletic guests.)

Wow! This is so simple. It’s tasty. So exotic. Well, as exotic as Sweden gets.

TIDBITS

1) Sweden was home to the Vikings who raided, killed, and pillaged all over Europe from the 9th to the 13th centuries.

2) Now Sweden mainly terrorizes the world with the weird toppings on its pizzas.

3)Perhaps Sweden’s rampaging Vikings would have been content to stay at home if they had eaten this dish instead of lutefisk.

4) Lutefisk is the worst mass-produced food in the world.

5) Lutefisk is cod soaked in lye. Yes lye, the poisonous substance. While minimally tolerable in its brick-like state, lutefisk becomes truly vile when boiled.

6) Lutefisk tastes horrible, has a glue-like texture, and looks like … well, I won’t tell you. I’m grateful that it doesn’t assault the sense of hearing.

7) Kin and loved ones gave the Vikings lutefisk whenever they left for foreign lands to go raiding. They knew more lutefisk would be waiting for them when they returned. So, they often settled in foreign lands, like the Normans who sensibly preferred Coq au Vin and pastries.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Lutefisk Recipe From Forthcoming Cookbook “Eat Me”

Swedish Atrocity

LUTEFISK

INGREDIENTS

dried codlutefis-
lye
water
other stuff

PREPARATION

No! No, a thousand times, no. I will not give you a recipe for lutefisk. You got my cookbook. I have a warm and fuzzy feeling for you. So, look at the ingredients. Lye is a poison.

Furthermore, lutefisk assaults the senses as no other widespread dish. It looks like glue or broiled phlegm; there is no debate on this. It smells like, like, a rat died under the furnace supplying central heating. It has the texture of boogers. It tastes like fermented cod-liver oil. Fortunately, lutefisk cannot speak.

When I was little, my mother made me eat lutefisk to show what she had to go through when she was small. My grandmother fed lutefisk to my mother to show what she had to go through when she was little girl. My grandmother’s parents left Sweden in the 1880s to get away from lutefisk.

Vikings raided Europe with unparalleled ferocity stoked by lutefisk meal after lutefisk meal in the homeland. Many thousands of them never came back.

There are more disgusting dishes than lutefisk, but they are little known and regional. Let’s pray they stay that way.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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