I wish I had known about the following event when I was more athletic, agile, and the intellectual terror of the world. But whatever your skill level, run, jump and hop to the Rock, Paper, Scissors World Championship in Toronto, Canada. Rock, paper, scissors (RPS) is often called the best non-violent resolution to conflicts the world over. It must be so; Canadian RPS grand masters have successfully kept their country out of major conflicts for decades. Culinary personal trainers will tell would be contestants to dedicate 30 minutes each day to finger-flexing, wrist-twisting, and elbow-bending exercises if they wish to do at all well at the championship. Cross training by playing chess is often recommended as well.
RPS hit the big time when, In 2004, Fox Sports Net(tm) televised its championship. The success of the movie Dodgeball piqued the entertainment’s industry in kids’ sports. Indeed in 2007 the documentary Rock Paper Scissors: A Greek Tragedy, depicted concerns that the Rock-Paper-Scissors game would lose its soul soul to corporate America, In fact some RPS leagues even had Bud Light Girls(tm) performing at tournaments.
Some people with too much time on their hands said that RPS is not really sport, like curling. Proponents of RPS say, “Na, na, poo, poo to you” pointing to the high level of concentration needed to perform well, like in chess. Top-notch players watch themselves in mirrors to see if they show any tells; moves that tell the opponent what you’re going to do. Just like poker.
This is the spot where’d I tell you when the tournament is the take place and describe entry fees, side events, etc. Alas and alack, Toronto hasn’t held a championship in years. Neither have other major cities. At its peak, RPS tournament ran at a loss, even with corporate sponsorship. Also, fans are fickle, they’ve deserted RPS for trendier sports such as hopscotch and curling. So, no more RPS. Life is hard.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., Travel Advisor
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