North Korean Entree
AIR KORYO-TM HAMBURGER
(World’s worst burger)
1 pound ground whitish mystery meat that’s been lurking in the fridge for months OR mixed ground pork and turkey
1 tablespoon salt
1 tablespoon sugar
4 teaspoons yellow mustard
4 leaves wilted lettuce
4 thin bits wilted onion
4 thick yellow buns
Makes 4 burgers. Takes 15 minutes and 30-to-60 minutes to cool down completely.
Add ground mystery meat, salt, and sugar to large mixing bowl. Mix with hands. Make four patties. Add patties to pan. Cook patties on low-to-medium heat for 2-to-4 minutes on each side or until no pink remains and the outside is still white. Do not brown in any way.
Remove patties from pan. While patties lose all warmth, 30 minutes should do it, spread mustard on each bun half. Do not under any circumstance toast or heat buns. Add onion slice, or fragment, to each bun bottom. Add patty to each bun top. Then put wilted lettuce leaf* on top on each patty. Ideally, the lettuce leaf should totally obscure the meat patty. Assemble burger.
To make it tasty, cook as above except: use beef, half the amount of salt, omit the sugar, use fresh lettuce and onion, use ketchup, and toast buns. Serve hot.
* = Don’t worry if you find only fresh lettuce at your supermarket. Simply put lettuce on patty while it’s being fried on its second side. Let lettuce cool down along with patty. Voilà, wilted lettuce.
1) Air Koryo has been rated the world’s worst airline in the world for the last five years. Amazingly, there are people who are so eager to fly it that destinations don’t even matter. Flying Air Koryo is like stepping into a time warp. The airline uses propeller planes that haven’t seen service anywhere else for decades. Particularly valued seats are next to the noisy engines or where the plane shakes the most. Some people return year after year to fly Air Koryo’s unique aircraft. Enthusiasts, you bet.
2) Air Koryo’s “burger” comes with a paper bag having the ominous words, “For your refuses.”
3) North Korea clearly is a threat to the world. Almost as much as lutefisk vendors.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.