Posts Tagged With: Philipines

What I Did the Day Before Tomorrow

1) Woke up. Got out of bed. Dragged a comb across my head. Showered, because cleanliness is a virture.

2) So is getting up. It’s important to get up, especially if you run the mile. As of press time, no one, man or woman, has won the mile race without getting of bed. I have no plans to compete in such a race. But it’s nice to know that if chose to do so, I could run my heart out.

3) Dressed casual. I was fit for society.

4) And I went out! For eye therapy. I  dodged people so adeptly that a Hall of Fame running back would be jealous.

5) Went over finances.

6)   Didn’t fight Verizon(tm) and Yahoo(tm). Maybe tomorrow. Of sure, I cussed a bit at them in the comfort of my office, but it was mostly perfunctory.

7)  Oh, not to worry, I came back from eye therapy. I walked both ways. Go me.

9) I made rosemary olive oil soap.

10) It didn’t turn out well. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

11)  Got out my spice grinder and ground the heck of the fresh rosemary. Atomized it, really.

12)  Performed multiple experiments on better ways of making Rosemary Olive Oil soap.

12) Made another batch. I’m praying that it will come out right.

13) Chatted briefly with Iceland and Paraguay. They agreed to postone their border dispute until I had more time to mediate. I expect a quick resolution as the two nations do not share a border.

14) Too tired to cook dinner. One of the natives is going out for chicken. Yay.

 

Behave yourselves.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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The Chicago Cubs, The Greatest Threat to World Peace

The greatest threat to world peace is the Chicago Cubs. They last won a world series in 1908. Since then America has fought two world wars,  and other wars while not as big as these two, still replete with distressing levels of violence.

Since the last Cubs’ last World Series win our boys have fought in: France, Belgium, Netherlands, Luxembourg, Germany, Italy, Austria, Czechoslovakia, Morocco, Algeria, Tunisia,  Russia, South Korea, North Korea, China, Philippines, Micronesia, Romania, New Guinea, Indonesia, Burma, Haiti, Santo Domingo, Grenada, Kuwait, Iraq, Afghanistan, USA (against the Japanese), Japan, Somalia, Vietnam, and Panama.

This doesn’t even count all the countries where our Air Force has fought nor all of our special ops. My apologies to veterans who fought in a country that escapes my feeble memory.

But the unassailable fact remains; America has been doing a heck of lot of fighting since the Chicago Cubs last won the big one. The conclusion is obvious. Because of the Cubs steadfast avoidancel of excellence, violence stalks the globe.  If ever there were a time for a global-prayer day, it is now. Pray for world peace. Pray for a Cubs Series win. It is the only way it will ever happen.

And did you know that the Louisiana Purchase of 1803 is closer to the Cubs’ last world championship than it is to present?

– Paul the Historian

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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