
I woke up around 3 am. Something was wrong. I had to pee. So I did.
But something still felt amiss. Aha, mind sensed a sentient, vegan exoplanet hurtling towards us, bent on eating Earth. I used my renowned telepathic powers to contact the space spheroid. I said that it couldn’t eat our planet as Earth teemed with people and animals. Doing so would be incompatible with its vegan principles. The exoplanet agreed and changed course, missing us altogether. Still it was a near-run thing and we’d all be planet food if I had not had that large class of milk before retiring.
Later I woke picked up a friend. I went to a doctor to get a heart monitor, then we went to a dentist where she spent two hours in a dentist’s chair.
And here we are.
- Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.