Funny #4, The Importance of Grammar

funny4 Don’t let this happen to you.

- Paul the matchmaker

 

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My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Funny #3, Sleeping

funny3

 

Everyone should have a dream

- Philosopher Paul

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My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

 

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Belgian Apple Fritters

Belgian Dessert

APPLE FRITTERS

INGREDIENTSAppleFritters-

2⅓ cups flour
16 ounces beer
5 large apples
4 cups vegetable oil (or enough to cover apple slices)
½ cup confectionery sugar
1 tablespoon lemon juice

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric beater
electric skillet

makes 30 apple fritters

PREPARATION

Add flour and beer to large mixing bowl. Use electric beater on medium setting until there are no lumps and the mixture thickens in batter. If mixture is liquidy after lumps have disappeared, put mixture into refrigerator for 5 minutes. Peel and core apples. Cut into 6 rings each. Coat apple slices into flour/beer mixture.

Add oil to skillet. Heat electric skillet to 375 degrees. Add coated apple slices to skillet. The oil should cover the slices. Fry apple slices for about 2 minutes on each side or until golden brown. Remove fried slices, or fritters, and place on paper towels. Repeat until done. Sprinkle fritters with lemon juice and dust with confectionery sugar.

TIDBITS

1) Belgians believe eating cabbage on Shrove Tuesday will prevent Belgium’s cabbages from being devoured by caterpillars and flies. Works for me.

2) Shrove Tuesday occurs on Tuesday. Further research shows Shrove Tuesday occurring before Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent. Shrove Tuesday is also known as Mardi Gras, or Fat Tuesday. Traditionally, people would eats lots of high caloric foods on this day before giving up their tasty temptations for Lent.

4) Indeed, Shrove Tuesday is also known as Pancake Day in protestant Britain, New Zealand, and Canada and in catholic Ireland as inhabitants on those happy countries would traditionally eat pancakes and engage in run-on sentences on that day. It’s gratifying to know that food, pancakes in this case, brings amity, peace, and contentment to nations with histories of political and religious differences. All we are saying is give pancakes a chance.

- Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Funny #2, Repairmen

funny2

 

But you can get them to arrive by going to the bathroom.

- Humorist Paul

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- Chef Paul

 

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dutch Apple Pie

Dutch Dessert

APPLE PIE

INGREDIENTS – CRUSTApplePie-

¾ cup butter (another 6 tablespoons later)
1½ cups flour (another 1 cup later)
2 tablespoons brown sugar (another ¼ cup later)
¼ teaspoon salt

INGREDIENTS – FILLING

5 Granny Smith or green apples
3 tablespoons cornstarch
⅓ cup sugar (another ¼ cup later)
½ cup water
½ teaspoon cinnamon
¼ teaspoon nutmeg
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
½ cup heavy cream

INGREDIENTS – TOPPING

1 cup flour
¼ cup sugar
¼ cup brown sugar
6 tablespoons butter

SPECIAL UTENSIL

9″ pie plate

PREPARATION – CRUST

Melt ¾ cup butter. Add 1½ cups flour, brown sugar, ¾ cup melted butter, and salt to large mixing bowl. Mix with hands until well blended and mixture becomes a big ball. Press mixture into pie plate.

PREPARATION – FILLING

Peel and dice apples. Add cornstarch, ⅓ cup sugar, water, cinnamon, and nutmeg to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk until smooth. Add mixture to saucepan. Bring to boil using medium-high heat. Cook for 2 minutes or until mixture thickens. Stir constantly. Remove mixture from heat. Add apples and vanilla extract. Stir with whisk. Pour filling into crust. Preheat oven to 360 degrees.
PREPARATION – TOPPING

Add 1 cup flour, ¼ cup sugar, ¼ cup brown sugar, and 6 tablespoons butter to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk until well blended. Crumble topping mixture over filling. Bake at 360 degrees for 40-to-50 minutes or until topping turns golden brown.

TIDBITS

1) The Spanish Inquisition sentenced the entire Dutch population to death in 1568. Tough love, you bet.

2) Or maybe the Spanish Inquisition was just really, really tough on scofflaws.

3) The Dutch give free heroin three time a day to addicts.

4) Contrast the Dutch government’s attitude to heroin addicts versus that of the Spanish Inquisition to the entire Dutch population. The Dutch policy actually resulted in lower rates of heroin addiction while the Spanish policy resulted in a bloody 80-year war with the Dutch

5) If life gives you heroin, make …

6) No, that slogan doesn’t work.

7) If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

8) If life gives you rotten lemons, make rotten lemonade.

9) If life gives you lemons, keep them, well, because they’re free.

10) If life gives your proctologist lemons, reschedule your appointment.

11) If life is dyslexic, it will give you melons.

12) If life gives you lemons, 4 chicken breasts, 1 teaspoon salt, 1¼ cups plain yogurt, ½ onion, 2 garlic cloves, 1 tablespoon garam masala, 1 teaspoon cayenne, ½ teaspoon coriander, 1 teaspoon paprika, and 1 small tomato, make Chicken Tandoori.

13) If life give you Le Mans, go to the race there.

14) If life give you Lenin, emigrate.

15) If life gives you Lennon, “Let It Be.”

16) Bees like lemon blossoms.

17) So life gives us all critters lemons. It’s not just a humano, new word, centric thing.

- Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Funny – “Citizen Kane”

buttmunch

- Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Colombian Hot Dogs

Colombian Entree

HOT DOGS

INGREDIENTSHotDogs-

1 20-ounce can crushed pineapple
1 tablespoon lime juice
2½ tablespoons cornstarch
8 hot dogs
8 buns
1⅓ cup coleslaw (see recipe)
¾ cup shredded mozzarella cheese
7¼-ounce bag plain potato chips
¼ cup ketchup
¼ cup mayonnaise
¼ cup mustard

SPECIAL UTENSIL

blender

PREPARATION

Add crushed pineapple and its syrup to blender. Puree until completely smooth Add pureed pineapple juice and lime juice to pot. Cook on low heat for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Gradually add cornstarch. Stir frequently. Increase heat to high and bring to boil. Cook for 5 minutes or until sauce thickens. Stir constantly. Remove from heat

Place hot dogs in pot. Add enough water to cover. Boil with high heat for 5 minutes. While hot dogs boil, toast hot dog buns and crush potato chips.. (It helps keep them from falling apart from the sauce.) Add a hot dog and an equal amount of pineapple sauce, coleslaw, mozzarella cheese, potato chips, ketchup, mayonnaise, and mustard to each bun. (Eat with the cut of the bun facing up. Serve with napkins. This is a messy hot dog.)

TIDBITS

1) I missed going to the laziness museum in Bogota, Colombia. Its exhibits stressed televisions, beds, and sofas. This place would have great for anyone wanting to participate in the Colombian siesta and absorb the country’s rich and varied culture. No, it wasn’t because I was lazy. I didn’t know it was there. Honest. But I have been too lazy to look up the official name of the museum. That’s kinda like being there in lazy spirit.

2) The museum was only open for a week. Perhaps the organizers and workers only needed a week to make their statement about the hectic global lifestyle. Perhaps they were too lazy to work any longer than that. Who can say?

3) Excuse me, I need a nap. Zzzzz…..

- Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

 

As an e-book on Nook

 

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Crispy Shredded Beef Tacos

Mexican Entree

CRISPY SHREDDED BEEF TACOS

INGREDIENTSCrispyShreddedBeefTacos-

1 medium yellow onion
2 pounds rump roast
½ tablespoon chili powder
½ tablespoon cumin
½ teaspoon salt
4 garlic cloves
4 ounces diced green chiles

5 green onion stalks
4 Roma tomatoes
¼ head lettuce
2 cups vegetable oil
12 corn tortillas
2 cups Four Mexican Cheeses
1 cup crema Mexicana
1 cup salsa

SPECIAL UTENSILS

crock pot or slow cooker
9″ loaf pan
electric skillet
Lazy Susan

takes about 7 hours

PREPARATION

Slice onion into thin rings. Rub rump roast with: chili powder, cumin, and salt. Dice garlic. Add ½ of onion slices to bottom of crock pot. Add rubbed rump roast, garlic, and green chiles. Top roast with remaining ½ onion slices. Add water to cover roast. Cover crock pot. Cook on low for about 7 hours or until roast is tender enough to be easily pulled apart by a pair of forks. Shred roast with forks. (Save liquid from crock pot, it makes a great broth.)

Dice green onion and tomatoes. Shred lettuce. Add vegetable oil to skillet. Heat oil to 375 degrees. The oil is hot enough if it sizzles when a tortilla is added. Add 1 tortilla at a time. Use tongs to sauté tortilla for 15 seconds on each side. The tortilla should be crispy but still flexible enough to be folded. Fold tortilla in half and place it upright in bread pan.. Put a paper towel on each side of tortilla to drain off grease. Repeat for 11 remaining tortillas.

Place tortillas, shredded beef, green onion, tomato, cheese, lettuce, cheese, crema Mexicana, and salsa in Lazy Susan. I love tacos. I always asked for it on my birthday. when I was a kid.

TIDBITS

1) Señor Pedro Lascuráin was president of Mexico for only fifteen minutes in 1913.

2) He did not accomplish much.

3) However, nearly all of Europe went to war in 1914. World War I lasted four years, involved many nations and resulted in millions of casualties. The unsettled conditions of World War I resulted in the Communist Revolution in Russia and the Nazi seizure of power in Germany. The communists shed much blood before and during World War II.

4) Makes Lascuráin’s administration look positively great in comparison.

5) I don’t think El Presidente Lascuráin shed much blood at all during his term in office, unless he gave himself a nasty paper cut while signing his acceptance or resignation papers.

6) Mexico has remained at peace ever since the end of the Mexican Revolution. I think it’s because of the peaceful example of President Lascuráin.

7) Poway, California, my fair town, has been at peace with all its neighbors even since I moved in.

8) My presidential term of office, zero minutes, is similar in length to President Lascuráin’s.

9) El Presidente Lascuráin probably had a paper cut. I’ve had paper cuts. Gentle reader, I’m guessing you’ve a paper cut as well. They hurt, don’t they?

10) Señor Lascuràin, the Great Man of Peace, often ate Mexican food. I love Mexican food. He had a Mexican grandmother. I had a Mexican grandmother. He was subject to the Laws of Physics. So am I.

11) It’s all uncanny. If Lascuràin had lived at the same time, people would have had trouble distinguishing between the two of us.

12) I wonder. I wonder.

13) I look at his picture on the internet. I run to the bathroom and look in the mirror.

14) Whew! Lascuràin and I are not the same person.

15) But Poway is at peace with all the neighboring towns. Can a Nobel Peace Prize for me be far behind?

16) I do hope I don’t get a paper cut while signing for my prize.

- Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Brazilan Kebabs

Brazilian Entree

KEBABS

INGREDIENTSKebab-

1¾ pounds rump steak
2 garlic cloves
¼ teaspoon cayenne
½ teaspoon cumin
½ teaspoon paprika
¼ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons lemon juice
¼ cup olive oil

1 yellow onion
½ pound bacon
1 yellow bell pepper
10 ounces plum tomatoes

SPECIAL UTENSIL

barbecue grill

PREPARATION

Cut steak into 1½” cubes. Mince garlic. Add steak cubes, garlic, cayenne, cumin, paprika, pepper, and salt to large mixing bowl. Toss steak cubes until they are well coated with spices. Add lemon juice and oil. Gently toss steak cubes. Put mixing bowl in refrigerator for 2 hours to marinate.

While steak cubes marinate, cut onion into 1½” cubes. (Well, make the best cubes you can out of a round onion. This recipes yearns for a cubic, organic onion) Cut bacon in 1½” long rectangles. Remove seeds from bell pepper and cut into 1½” squares. Thread steak cubes, onion cubes, bacon, bell-pepper squares, and plum tomatoes onto skewers. Heat grill to 450 degrees..Grill kebabs for 1-to-2 minutes Rotates kebabs ¼ turn and grill for another 1-to-2 minutes. Keep rotating and grilling kebabs until meat is done to your liking.

TIDBITS

1) Brazilian bus drivers once trained beetles to retrieve coins from the fare boxes. Police arrested all humans and beetles from this daring criminal ring. I wonder if the charges against the beetles were dropped. How do you read rights to a beetle? Or do beetles have no legal rights in Brazil?

2) The prospect of insect crime keeps me up at night. Sure, I can lock my doors, even deadbolt them. But is my home truly secure when any robber can get his trained termites to eat a large hole in my front door? The best defense against this is an army of ants. Ants hate termites. Just make sure your ants have enough to do. Bored ants tend to wander to the bed where they inhibit whoopee.

- Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Algerian Fruit Salad (chlada fakya)

Algerian Dessert

FRUIT SALAD
(chlada fakya)

INGREDIENTSFruitSalad-

½ honeydew or cantaloupe
2 apples
2 bananas
5 oranges
6 strawberries
½ teaspoon cinnamon
2 tablespoons sugar
¼ cup lemon juice
⅓ cup orange juice
2 tablespoons orange blossom water
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

PREPARATION

Peel and seed honeydew. Cut honeydew and apples into ½” cubes. Peel bananas and cut into ½” slices. Peel and seed oranges. Separate orange wedges. Cut orange wedges in half. Remove stems from strawberries. Cut each strawberry into 6 pieces.

Add honeydew, apple, banana, strawberry, and orange to large mixing bowl. Gently toss fruit. Add cinnamon, sugar, lemon juice, orange juice, orange blossom water, and vanilla extract to small mixing bowl. Mix with whisk until sugar dissolves. Sprinkle liquid over fruit in large mixing bowl. Toss gently. Serve immediately or chill for up to 2 hours. Toss again after chilling.

TIDBITS

1) Albert Camus was born in Algeria. He won a Nobel Prize.

2) Claude Cohen-Tannoudji was born in Algeria. He won a Nobel Prize.

3) I was not born in Algeria. I have not won a Nobel Prize.

4) Monsieur Camus played goalie for the University of Algiers soccer team.

5) I played goalie a few time in Australian league play.

6) So, playing soccer doesn’t help you win a Nobel Prize. And Monsieur Cohen-Tannoudji got his prize without any known soccer playing. And calling the game football doesn’t help either.

7) The main thing is to be born in Algeria.

- Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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