Greenland, Humanity’s Future Home

IceCubes-

If Greenland, that way-up north country, had the same population density as Bangladesh, it would be home to 23,096,149,702 people. That’s more than three times the population of the entire world. How would that be possible?

1) Let’s face it, there’s not enough fish around Arctic Greenland to feed over 23 billion people and precious little farmland exists there. We will need to eat ice, lots of ice, and like it. Ice is low in vitamins, so we will have to spray Greenland’s entire ice with liquid vitamins. The company that wins that contract will do well indeed.

2) Greenland currently has only has housing for about two million people. Does the land have lumber enough to build homes for another 23 billion people?

No.  We will all have to become adept at making igloos.

3) How will get another 23 billion people?

You’re own on your own with this one. It’s a do-it-yourself project.

4) Why would we all want to move to Greenland?

Easy access to ice so we can all have ice-cold root beers.

 

I hope this helps settle your worries about the future.

- Cool Paul the Seer

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Check out my latest novel, the Christmas thriller, Beneficial Murders. My books are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com, As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

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Botswanan Shredded Beef (Seswaa)

Botswanan Entree

SESWAA
(Stewed Beef)

INGREDIENTSSeswaa-

1 onion
1¾ pounds brisket or slow-cooking beef
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
3 bay leaves
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt

SPECIAL UTENSILS

large, oven-safe pot
kitchen mallet

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 310 degrees. Dice onion. Add onion, brisket and vegetable oil to oven-safe pot.) If needed, cut brisket into pieces so that it will fit.) Sauté on medium-high heat for 10 minutes or until meat is brown and onion is soft.

Add bay leaves, pepper, salt, and enough water to cover ingredients. Increase heat to high, cover, and bring to boil. Place pot in oven. Bake in oven at 310 degrees for 2-to-3 hours or until brisket is quite tender. Remove brisket and place on chopping board or hard surface. Pound the brisket with mallet until meat is flaky and flattened. (This is a really good time to take out your frustrations. Remember when your Five-Layer Chicken Florentine lost to lutefisk at the state fair? Pound! Pound! Pound! Or … prepare in the presence of your no-good significant other. It sends a salutary message.)

Ahem. Return flaky, flattened brisket to pot. Reduce heat to low-medium and simmer for 1 hour 15 minutes or until liquid cooks off. Remove from oven. Remove brisket from pot. Serve with vegetables, polenta, or corn-meal porridge.) And my gosh, leftover Seswaa goes great with melted mozzarella and hamburger buns.

TIDBITS

1) The people of Bostwana are called Batswana, but an individual from there is called a Mostwana. Sometimes people are called by their first names. The most popular name for a boy in Botswana is Sammy. The most popular name for a girl there is a tie between Precious and Lesego. Botswana’s currency has the most exciting name in the world., the pula which means rain. While Botswana has thriving diamond and tourist industries, it also has high unemployment.

3) Such are the most exciting facts I found for Botswana. Clearly, the country needs to loosen up. It should use its diamond revenues to employ 200,000 stand-up comics. This would make Botswana the world’s humor capital. Let’s bring this about. Together, we shall make the world laugh.

- Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Funny #5, Love Hurts

funny5 See kids, take economics in school.

- Paul R. De Lancey the matchmaker

4novels

Check out my latest novel, the Christmas thriller, Beneficial Murders. My books are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com, As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Funny #4, The Importance of Grammar

funny4 Don’t let this happen to you.

- Paul the matchmaker

 

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My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Funny #3, Sleeping

funny3

 

Everyone should have a dream

- Philosopher Paul

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My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

 

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Belgian Apple Fritters

Belgian Dessert

APPLE FRITTERS

INGREDIENTSAppleFritters-

2⅓ cups flour
16 ounces beer
5 large apples
4 cups vegetable oil (or enough to cover apple slices)
½ cup confectionery sugar
1 tablespoon lemon juice

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric beater
electric skillet

makes 30 apple fritters

PREPARATION

Add flour and beer to large mixing bowl. Use electric beater on medium setting until there are no lumps and the mixture thickens in batter. If mixture is liquidy after lumps have disappeared, put mixture into refrigerator for 5 minutes. Peel and core apples. Cut into 6 rings each. Coat apple slices into flour/beer mixture.

Add oil to skillet. Heat electric skillet to 375 degrees. Add coated apple slices to skillet. The oil should cover the slices. Fry apple slices for about 2 minutes on each side or until golden brown. Remove fried slices, or fritters, and place on paper towels. Repeat until done. Sprinkle fritters with lemon juice and dust with confectionery sugar.

TIDBITS

1) Belgians believe eating cabbage on Shrove Tuesday will prevent Belgium’s cabbages from being devoured by caterpillars and flies. Works for me.

2) Shrove Tuesday occurs on Tuesday. Further research shows Shrove Tuesday occurring before Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent. Shrove Tuesday is also known as Mardi Gras, or Fat Tuesday. Traditionally, people would eats lots of high caloric foods on this day before giving up their tasty temptations for Lent.

4) Indeed, Shrove Tuesday is also known as Pancake Day in protestant Britain, New Zealand, and Canada and in catholic Ireland as inhabitants on those happy countries would traditionally eat pancakes and engage in run-on sentences on that day. It’s gratifying to know that food, pancakes in this case, brings amity, peace, and contentment to nations with histories of political and religious differences. All we are saying is give pancakes a chance.

- Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Funny #2, Repairmen

funny2

 

But you can get them to arrive by going to the bathroom.

- Humorist Paul

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- Chef Paul

 

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dutch Apple Pie

Dutch Dessert

APPLE PIE

INGREDIENTS – CRUSTApplePie-

¾ cup butter (another 6 tablespoons later)
1½ cups flour (another 1 cup later)
2 tablespoons brown sugar (another ¼ cup later)
¼ teaspoon salt

INGREDIENTS – FILLING

5 Granny Smith or green apples
3 tablespoons cornstarch
⅓ cup sugar (another ¼ cup later)
½ cup water
½ teaspoon cinnamon
¼ teaspoon nutmeg
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
½ cup heavy cream

INGREDIENTS – TOPPING

1 cup flour
¼ cup sugar
¼ cup brown sugar
6 tablespoons butter

SPECIAL UTENSIL

9″ pie plate

PREPARATION – CRUST

Melt ¾ cup butter. Add 1½ cups flour, brown sugar, ¾ cup melted butter, and salt to large mixing bowl. Mix with hands until well blended and mixture becomes a big ball. Press mixture into pie plate.

PREPARATION – FILLING

Peel and dice apples. Add cornstarch, ⅓ cup sugar, water, cinnamon, and nutmeg to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk until smooth. Add mixture to saucepan. Bring to boil using medium-high heat. Cook for 2 minutes or until mixture thickens. Stir constantly. Remove mixture from heat. Add apples and vanilla extract. Stir with whisk. Pour filling into crust. Preheat oven to 360 degrees.
PREPARATION – TOPPING

Add 1 cup flour, ¼ cup sugar, ¼ cup brown sugar, and 6 tablespoons butter to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk until well blended. Crumble topping mixture over filling. Bake at 360 degrees for 40-to-50 minutes or until topping turns golden brown.

TIDBITS

1) The Spanish Inquisition sentenced the entire Dutch population to death in 1568. Tough love, you bet.

2) Or maybe the Spanish Inquisition was just really, really tough on scofflaws.

3) The Dutch give free heroin three time a day to addicts.

4) Contrast the Dutch government’s attitude to heroin addicts versus that of the Spanish Inquisition to the entire Dutch population. The Dutch policy actually resulted in lower rates of heroin addiction while the Spanish policy resulted in a bloody 80-year war with the Dutch

5) If life gives you heroin, make …

6) No, that slogan doesn’t work.

7) If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

8) If life gives you rotten lemons, make rotten lemonade.

9) If life gives you lemons, keep them, well, because they’re free.

10) If life gives your proctologist lemons, reschedule your appointment.

11) If life is dyslexic, it will give you melons.

12) If life gives you lemons, 4 chicken breasts, 1 teaspoon salt, 1¼ cups plain yogurt, ½ onion, 2 garlic cloves, 1 tablespoon garam masala, 1 teaspoon cayenne, ½ teaspoon coriander, 1 teaspoon paprika, and 1 small tomato, make Chicken Tandoori.

13) If life give you Le Mans, go to the race there.

14) If life give you Lenin, emigrate.

15) If life gives you Lennon, “Let It Be.”

16) Bees like lemon blossoms.

17) So life gives us all critters lemons. It’s not just a humano, new word, centric thing.

- Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Funny – “Citizen Kane”

buttmunch

- Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Colombian Hot Dogs

Colombian Entree

HOT DOGS

INGREDIENTSHotDogs-

1 20-ounce can crushed pineapple
1 tablespoon lime juice
2½ tablespoons cornstarch
8 hot dogs
8 buns
1⅓ cup coleslaw (see recipe)
¾ cup shredded mozzarella cheese
7¼-ounce bag plain potato chips
¼ cup ketchup
¼ cup mayonnaise
¼ cup mustard

SPECIAL UTENSIL

blender

PREPARATION

Add crushed pineapple and its syrup to blender. Puree until completely smooth Add pureed pineapple juice and lime juice to pot. Cook on low heat for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Gradually add cornstarch. Stir frequently. Increase heat to high and bring to boil. Cook for 5 minutes or until sauce thickens. Stir constantly. Remove from heat

Place hot dogs in pot. Add enough water to cover. Boil with high heat for 5 minutes. While hot dogs boil, toast hot dog buns and crush potato chips.. (It helps keep them from falling apart from the sauce.) Add a hot dog and an equal amount of pineapple sauce, coleslaw, mozzarella cheese, potato chips, ketchup, mayonnaise, and mustard to each bun. (Eat with the cut of the bun facing up. Serve with napkins. This is a messy hot dog.)

TIDBITS

1) I missed going to the laziness museum in Bogota, Colombia. Its exhibits stressed televisions, beds, and sofas. This place would have great for anyone wanting to participate in the Colombian siesta and absorb the country’s rich and varied culture. No, it wasn’t because I was lazy. I didn’t know it was there. Honest. But I have been too lazy to look up the official name of the museum. That’s kinda like being there in lazy spirit.

2) The museum was only open for a week. Perhaps the organizers and workers only needed a week to make their statement about the hectic global lifestyle. Perhaps they were too lazy to work any longer than that. Who can say?

3) Excuse me, I need a nap. Zzzzz…..

- Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

 

As an e-book on Nook

 

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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