Spicy Spanish Potatoes – Patatas Bravas

Spanish Entree

PATATAS BRAVAS

(spicy potatoes)

INGREDIENTSPatatasBravas-

3 garlic cloves
½ onion
2 Roma tomatoes
1 tablespoon flour
½ cup water
5 medium russet potatoes
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
2 ½ tablespoons olive oil (½ cup more later)
¾ teaspoon cayenne pepper
2 teaspoons Spanish paprika (or paprika)
¼ teaspoon thyme
½ teaspoon sugar
½ cup olive oil
½ tablespoon parsley

PREPARATION

Mince garlic cloves, onion, and tomatoes. Add flour to ½ cup water. Stir until flour dissolves. Put potatoes in large pot and cover them with water. Bring to boil using high heat. Reduce heat to medium and cook for 20 minutes or until potatoes are soft. Carefully remove potatoes and let them cool. Cut potatoes into 1″ cubes. Add potato cubes, pepper, and salt to mixing bowl. Turn potato cubes until they are coated with pepper and salt.

Add 2½ tablespoons olive oil and garlic, onion, and cayenne pepper to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens and garlic browns. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to low. Add tomato, paprika, thyme, sugar, and dissolved flour. Simmer on low heat for 20 minutes. Stir occasionally.

While tomato/garlic/onion/spice mix simmers, add ½ cup olive oil and potato cubes to second pan. Sauté on high heat for 5-to-10 minutes or until potatoes turn golden brown. Stir constantly Remove potato cubes and place them on paper towels to remove excess oil. Put potatoes in bowls and top with tomato sauce. Garnish with parsley.

TIDBITS

1) Gerona, Spain’s has a dating agency for pets. Happy Animals caters to lovelorn dogs, cats and birds. The mind boggles.

2) You are more likely to be robbed in Spain than anywhere else.

3) Sure, with all those cash-strapped Spaniards needing to pony up big Euros for their animals’ social lives.

4) However, Spain started paying women around a thousand dollars for each baby they have. If they want, the señoras can spend their money at Happy Animals. Maybe with all that extra cash, the robbery rate will fall.

5) If robbery rates fall, people can spend the money they would have spent on alarm systems for their homes on romantic dinners.

6) If Spanish couples have enough romantic dinners, they will have more babies.

7) It costs money to raise babies. A lot more than $1,000. The money to pay for these kids will have to come from somewhere.

9) From cutting out Doggy Dating Centers or taking up robbery. Tough choice.

10) Most Spanish women will curtail their dogs’ love lives.

11) But not all. Home burglaries will soar. Spanish families will have to spend more money on home security. Where will they get the money for all these alarms?

16) From robbing people’s homes. Spaniards will spend ever more money protecting their abode.

17) This will spiral out of control. Lawlessness will stalk the land.

18) The Spanish government will have to step in. The army will have to patrol every home on every street to keep order.

19) But not for long. Spanish families will have no money to pay their taxes. They will have spent it all on burglar alarms. The Spanish government won’t be able to pay its army. Mutinies will break out among the soldiers. This will occur in small units at first. Nothing will coordinated. But the trend will be unmistakable.

20) Where will the authorities get the money to pay its fighting men?

21) From saffron. Saffron costs seven dollars a gram. It’s far more expensive than oil.

22) How will the Spanish get enough saffron to pay its army?

23) By invading Iran. Iran is a huge producer of saffron. Won’t Iran fight back? Yes, it will.

24) And that’s bad. Iran could very well develop nuclear weapons in the near future. Iran also has lots of enemies who will inevitably be drawn into the Spanish-Iranian War. The war will spread until it becomes global. We will have Armageddon.

25) That’s bad. So, let your pets find their own soul mates. It’ll be character building experience for them and save the world as well. Remember, the culinary arts will the first to go after the apocalypse.

- Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Chocolate Sticky Cake

Swedish Dessert

CHOCOLATE STICKY CAKE

(kladdkaka)

INGREDIENTSChocolateSticky-

½ cup butter
2 eggs
1¼ cups sugar
½ cup unsweetened cocoa powder
½ cup flour
½ tablespoon vanilla extract
1 tablespoon confectionery sugar
no-stick spray

SPECIAL UTENSIL

9″ round cake pan or baking dish

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Melt butter in small saucepan then let cool. Add eggs and sugar to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk until well blended. Add butter, cocoa powder, flour, and vanilla extract. Mix with whisk until batter is well blended.

Spray cake pan with no-stick spray. Pour batter into cake pan. Bake batter at 350 degrees for about 20 minutes or until set on top. A toothpick stuck into the cake edge’ should come out dry, but dry when stuck into the middle. Sprinkle with confectionary sugar. Smile.

And oh, this really is sticky. Not a finger food at all, unless, of course, you like sticky, chocolaty fingers. Then, by all means, go for it.

TIDBITS

1) One of my grandmothers came from Sweden. I called her, “Gramma Anna.” “Gramma Anna” is an anagram for “Anagram, man!”

2) The unabridged list of anagrams for “cake” in the known universe is: “cake.”

3) However, I’m happy to point out that there are hundreds and hundreds of anagrams for “chocolate cake.” The best anagrams for these happy words are: “Cheat cake? Loco!” “Elect Coach Oak,” “Coach look! Taco.” “Locate eco hack,” “A taco? Ole. Check,” and “Eek, Coach! A clot!”

4) Eden can be found in Sweden. Take a look. Adam and Eve got kicked out of the Garden of Eden for eating an apple from the Tree of Knowledge. They also became mortal and would die. And they would have to eat lutefisk to survive. We are still living with their error in judgment.

- Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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“Welcome to Heidi” by Heidi Clements – Book Review

HeidiCover

Heidi Clements’ Welcome to Heidi made the coveted title of “Bathtub Book.” Not many books are worthy or funny enough to be read in my bathtub. Even fewer books are so well written as to keep me in tepid water and cold water.

Life can be hard. You either laugh or cry. Heidi always makes us laugh out loud, whether it’s a comment on her life or the world in general. Even introverts like me will giggle a little.

Welcome to Heidi is the chocolate-iced cake-with-sprinkles-on-it book of funny, sarcastic observations. Oh, and shoes. It’s as good as any pair of shoes.

Welcome to Heidi is available on amazon.com

Check out her  author page on HOPress-Shorehousebooks.com

 

- Paul R. De Lancey, reviewer

 

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Mantis (Kazakhstani Dumpling)

Kazakhstani Entree

MANTIS

INGREDIENTS – FILLINGMantis-

1 pound ground lamb, ground beef, or combination
1 onion
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt

INGREDIENTS – DOUGH

up to 4 cups flour (plus two more tablespoons later)
1 cup water
⅔ cup olive oil
1 egg
6 tablespoons butter

no-stick spray

INGREDIENTS – YOGURT SAUCE

1 garlic clove
2 cups plain yogurt
½ teaspoon dill
½ teaspoon mint

SPECIAL UTENSIL

sonic obliterator

Makes about 30 mantis or dumplings

PREPARATION – FILLING

Mince onion. Add onion, lamb, pepper, and salt to mixing bowl. Mix with hands until ingredients are well blended.

PREPARATION – DOUGH

Add 2 cups flour, water, olive oil, and egg to large mixing bowl. Mix together with large spoon until dough is well blended. Add up to 2 cups more flour until dough loses its liquid feel. Cover and let sit for 45 minutes. Dust cutting board or flat surface with 2 tablespoons flour. Roll out dough until it is 1/16″ thick. Cut dough into 4″ inch squares. Put an equal amount of butter in the middle of each square.

PREPARATION – ASSEMBLY AND STEAMING

Add an equal amount of lamb mix to the middle of each square. Push the corner of each square over the lamb mix to the center. Wet your fingers and pinch the folds together. (See first picture below.) Push the top folds down until they meet the bottom of the lamb-mix bump. Push the folds up until they meet the top of the lamb-mix bump. This is the manti. (See second picture below.)

MantiRaw2-MantiRaw1-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Add 1″ of water to large pot, one that will fit your colander. Bring water to boil on high heat. Spray colander with no-stick spray. Put colander in pot. Put mantis in colander. Cover colander and pot. Reduce heat to low. Steam mantis on low heat for 15-to-20 minutes or until done.

PREPARATION – YOGURT SAUCE

While mantis steam, mince garlic. Add garlic, yogurt, dill, and mint to small mixing bowl. Mix ingredients with whisk.

PREPARATION – SERVING

Remove mantis from colander with slotted spoon. Serve mantis hot with yogurt sauce on the side. Serve to appreciative guests. Use sonic obliterator on the unappreciative.

TIDBITS

1) Stan at the end of a Asian country’s name means “Land of the …:” So Kazakhstan means Land of the Kazakhs.But Stan Musial just means Mr. Musial’s parents called him Stan because they liked his name. Stan Musial was a great baseball player. Stan Laurel was a famous comedian

2) Unfortunately, being named Stan does not ensure greatness.

3) If all the worlds Stan’s were to form a country, they could call it Stanstan. I’d visit.

- Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

 

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Guriltai Shul (Mongolian Soup)

Mongolian Soup

GURILTAI SHUL

INGREDIENTSGuriltaiShul-

2 potatoes
2 carrots
1 onion
12 ounces whole cut of lamb or beef (You have a lot of leeway here.)
12 ounces egg noodles
¾ teaspoon pepper
¾ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
8 cups lamb stock or beef stock

SPECIAL UTENSIL

Dutch oven

PREPARATION

Peel potatoes. Dice potatoes, carrots, and onion. Cut meat into strips ½” wide and 2″ long..

Add vegetable oil and onion to Dutch oven. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add meat. Sauté for 3 minutes at medium-high heat or until meat browns. Stir frequently. Add carrots, potatoes. Reduce heat to medium and cook for 3 minutes. Stir occasionally.

Add pepper, salt, and stock to Dutch oven. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 20 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add noodles. Bring soup to oil then reduce heat to low and let soup simmer for another 10 minutes or until noodles are soft. Serve hot.

TIDBITS

1) Mongolia took a 2010 livestock census. I’m impressed. America expends a lot of effort and money taking a census of just its humans. How did Mongolia do it? It’s not as if the country’s critters have a fixed address. How did they make sure they counted every animal or didn’t double or triple count them? It’s hard to tell sheep and goats apart. Oh sure, you can differentiate between two goats if they’re male and female, but there’s millions of male goats and millions of female goats. You can’t ask the sheep’s name. Even if you could get the sheep to reply, they probably have only four different names like, Baakaa, Baama, BaaRaa, and Baazaa. But the Mongolians managed to take what they thought was a reasonably accurate census of their livestock. As I said, I’m impressed.

2) And just how did the Mongols get their livestock to answer the census’s questions? Do they have someone who can talk to the animals? I had always thought Hugh Lofting’s The Story of Doctor Dolittle was pure fiction, but now I think it was really based on a Mongolian veterinarian.

- Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Sailor’s Beef (sjömansbiff)

Swedish Entree

SAILOR’S BEEF
(sjömansbiff)

INGREDIENTSSailorsBeef-

1¼ pounds round steak (½” thick or 8 slices)
2 yellow onions
1½ pounds brown potatoes
1½ tablespoons butter (1½ tablespoons more later)
½ teaspoon pepper
¾ teaspoon salt
1 bay leaf
1 cup beef broth
12 ounces dark beer
1 teaspoon parsley

SPECIAL UTENSIL

kitchen mallet
casserole dish

makes 8 bowls

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Pound steak slices until they are ¼” thick. Cut onions into thin slices. Peel and cut potatoes into THICK slices. Add 1½ tablespoons butter and onion slices to large pan. Sauté for 5 minutes on medium-high heat or until onion softens. Remove onions and set aside. Add 1½ tablespoons butter and steak slices to large pan. Sauté for 5 minutes on medium-high heat or until steak slices brown on both sides.

Add an initial layer of potato slices to casserole dish. Add steak slice. Add a layer of onion slices, then a layer of potato slices. Add some pepper and salt. Repeat steak/onion/potato sequence until all steak slices are used. (Note: there should be an equal amount of potatoes, onion, pepper, and salt above each steak slice. The topmost layer should be potatoes.) Add bay leaf. Pour beef broth and beer over top layer. Sprinkle parsley on top.

Cover and bake in oven at 375 degrees for about 1 hour or until meat is tender.

TIDBITS

1) There’s a museum in Stockholm, Sweden that houses a ship, the Vassa, that sunk in the 1600s. The shp didn’t get very far, sinking in the town’s harbor on its maiden voyage.

2) There is not, however, a muesli museum. I love how muesli museum is so alliterative.

3) But there is a Mooseum in Alabama. It’s Alabama’s only children’s museum to extol the cattle industry. And it’s interactive. Are there more children’s interactive cattle museums?

6) Swedes interact with cattle by eating hamburgers. Ketchup goes well with burgers . Swedes consume more ketchup per capita than any other nation.

7) Ystad, Sweden hosts the Cow Bingo festival. A cow gets led to a 9-by-9 field of squares. You bet on one of the 81 squares. If the cow poops on your square, you win. Watch out Las Vegas!

8) Sweden had a thirty-day February in 1712. Any cow born on February 30, 1712 would never have had another birthday.

9) Cows aren’t the only important critters in Sweden. Heck no! For years, the medieval town of Hurdenburg let a specially selected louse pick its mayor. If the louse crawled into your bread and stayed there, you were the town’s new leader.

10) Town chroniclers are frustatingly mute on how the Hurdenburgers picked the louse that would anoint their mayor. Maybe they had a better political system than our current one.

11) But maybe not. Maybe the louse-selecting system could have been corrupted. After all, any man wishing to be mayor could have stuffed his beard with all sorts of louse delicacies. That certainly given the candidate an advantage over his rivals.

12) Also, the system is inherently unfair to those civic-minded individuals who can’t grow a beard.

13) Today we vote to select our mayors, senators, and president.

14) Voting is not without its faults. It’s long, expensive, and prone to deceiving partisans ads on T.V..

15) The louse, however, cannot be influenced money, no matter how many millions you have.

16) The louse picks the mayor, etc., within minutes, a vast improvement over our apparently never-ending electioneering.

16) But way back when, Sweden’s Queen Christina, had a miniature cannon made, which fired tiny cannonballs at fleas. Resentful at this royal treatment to its insect brethren, lice everywhere immediately forever gave up all political participation.

17) Lice still like to crawl into people’s beards. Old habits die hard.

18) Drinking coffee is a fun habit. Swedes drink more of the caffeinated beverage than any other people.

18) If you ever go to Sweden for its ketchup and coffee, don’t forget to sample the country’s surströmming, fermented herring. The first day for selling this dish is the third Thursday in August. So mark your calendars and start planning that vacation.

- Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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I Might Just Cancel the World Cup Final

Germany versus Argentina: Meh. Can’t get excited about this one. Argentina just beat one of my three favorite teams, Netherlands. Germany defeated the United States. SoccerBall2Boo! I like German and Argentinian food equally well. And oh gosh, the game the Dutch lost was a mind-numbingly 0-0 tie that ended in a shoot-out. The Netherlands team played their last 240 minutes of World Cup play without ever scoring! I might just take my soccer ball and go home. They can’t play the final without a soccer ball. I know billions of people are waiting excitedly for this game, but I’m having a really bad day. So there! Unless, of course, Argentina or Germany let me play for them. Not only will I bring the soccer ball necessary for the game, I promise to score the winning goal. Wait could be more fair than that? I’m waiting for a phone call from Argentina and Germany. Taps foot.

(Photo of my soccer ball shown above.)

- Sports Czar Paul R. De Lancey

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

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Malaysian Curry Noodles

Malaysian Soup

CURRY NOODLES

(laska)

INGREDIENTS – PASTECurrryNoodles-

1 large shrimp (1 pound more later in SOUP)
5 garlic cloves
4 macadamian nuts
6 fresh red chiles (remove seeds to make less spicy)
5 shallots
2 teaspoons coriander
½ teaspoon cumin
1 tablespoon curry powder
2 lemongrass stalks
2 teaspoons salt
2 teaspoons sugar

INGREDIENTS – SOUP

1 pound shrimp
6 ounces boneless chicken
8 ounces hard tofu
1 tablespoon vegetable oil (¼ cup more later)
¼ cup vegetable oil
6 ounces yellow egg noodles
8 ounces rice sticks or vermicelli
4 cups chicken stock
1 15 ounce can coconut milk
1 tablespoon lime juice

INGREDIENTS – TOPPINGS

3 ounces bean sprouts
2 hard-boiled eggs
1 lime

SPECIAL UTENSILS

1 pan
3 pots

makes 6 bowls

PREPARATION – PASTE

Peel and devein1 large shrimp. Let dry. Add 1 large shrimp, garlic cloves, macadamian nuts, red chiles, shallots, coriander, cumin, curry powder, lemongrass, salt, and sugar to food processor. Grind ingredients until paste is smooth.

PREPARATION – SOUP

Peel and devein 1 pound shrimp. Cut chicken and tofu into ½” cubes. Put tofu and 1 tablespoon vegetable oil in pan. Sauté tofu at medium-high heat until tofu turns golden brown.

Add ¼ cup vegetable oil to pot. Warm oil using medium heat. Add paste. Cook for 3 minutes or until paste darkens and become fragrant. Add chicken stock, coconut milk, and lime juice to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add chicken, shrimp and tofu cubes. Continue simmering on low heat for another 10 minutes. Stir occasionally.

While chicken stock/coconut milk mix simmers, cook egg noodles and rice stick according to instructions on packages. (Will you need extra pots? Will you be cleaning pots after this meal? Yes, you will!) Drain noodles after they are done.

Place an equal amount of noodles into serving bowls. Add an equal amount of chicken stock/coconut oil/shrimp/tofu mix into bowls. Peel hard-boiled eggs and cut them into halves. Cut lime into 6 slices. Top bowls with hard-boiled egg halves, lime slices, and bean sprouts.

TIDBITS

1) Curry noodles is an anagram for cloudy snorer, uncool dryers, and nosy cod ruler.

2) Dryers are uncool because they steal our socks.

3) Dryers are actually alive. They are all aliens from the planet Rohoho.

4) Rohohans love socks, any planet’s socks.

5) But they love socks from Earth most of all.

6) That’s why the Rohohans come in the middle of the night, zap your clothes dryer into another dimension, and take its place. So, that clothes dryer in your home is actually an alien.

8) But it’s no big deal. Rohohans really don’t mind drying your clothes. In fact, they are rather good at it. They just eat one of your socks occasionally.

9) Why do they eat only one sock from a pair? No one knows for sure. The best guess is that they crave variety, just like we hate to eat 1,722 hot dogs in a row.

10) If you fill your socks with lutefisk, the Rohohans won’t touch them.

11) Of course, you won’t want to touch any of your lutefisk-scented clothes either. Life is hard.

- Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

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My Favorites for the World Cup Semifinals

Brazil over Germany. I’m feeling very hemispheric right. I’m also upset about the vicious tackle that took out a Brazilian star. I didn’t see it, but still. I just got reminded how SoccerBallWest Germany and Austria effectively colluded in a World Cup match in 1982 to keep Algeria from advancing. Grr! Besides I like Brazilian food a lot more. BRA is the three letters internet reports use for Brazil or Brasil. Women wear bras. I like women. GER for Germany, is one letter away from being germ. Germs make us sick. Advantage, Brazil.

Netherlands over Argentina. I’m not feeling hemispheric loyalty anymore. Besides, I lived in the Netherlands and enjoyed it very much. My brother played soccer in the Netherlands for the American International School. No one in our family has even been to Argentina. Got to love those orange uniforms. The Dutch monarchy is descended from the House of Orange. A popular drink in the Netherlands is Oranjeboom, or Orange Tree. There’s also Dutch oven. I love Dutch ovens. They make cooking so much easier. There’s no such item or beer, that I know off that has anything about Argentina in its name. Poffertjes is a great Dutch dessert. Sure, the Argentinian barbecue is great, but I’m in a mood for dessert. Oh, and hot air rises in Holland. A real estate agent  once told my mother and I that. I have no such confirmation for Argentina.

- sports reporter, Paul De Lancey

4novels

 

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Egg Coffee

Norwegian Appetizer

EGG COFFEE

INGREDIENTS??????????

9 cups water (1⅓ cups more later)
½ cup freshly ground coffee
⅓ cup water (1 cup more later)
egg
1 cup water.

PREPARATION

Add 9 cups water to large coffee pot or pan. Bring water to boil. While water comes to boil in coffee pot, add coffee, ⅓ cup water and egg to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork. (This mixture looks like potting soil.)

Add coffee/water/egg mix to boiling water. Boil for 3 minutes. Remove coffee pot from heat. Add 1 cup water. Let coffee settle for 10 minutes. Pour coffee through strainer or coffee filters.

This coffee is a lot less bitter than the regular brews and should require less than the normal amount of cream and sugar or none at all.

TIDBITS

1) Historians claim coffee was discovered about a thousand years ago by an Ethiopian goatherd whose goats were bounding with caffeinated energy. How do we know this when we don’t even know how single socks keep disappearing in our clothes dryers?

2). It’s frightening to think that if the goats had only a few more weeks of caffeinated existence, the highly energetic critters could have done their grazing chores in no time at all. They would then have had time to ponder the infinite. Sure, their brains are tiny compared to ours, but hyped up on caffeine they would have to figure that a goat’s life is to give milk and goat meat.

3) To give goat meat means to die. Fast thinking goats wouldn’t have liked that. No, not one bit. And back then goats far outnumbered humans. They would have learned goat karate, attacked us, and gained their independence in regions where human warriors didn’t wear armor. Not long after that the coffee-drinking goats would have developed their own armor, their own spears, and their own catapults. We humans would have been overwhelmed by vast, well-equipped goat armies. We would have had to become vegetarians and the goat’s servants. It nearly happened.

- Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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