Uitsmijter (Dutch Ham and Egg Sandwich)

Dutch Entree

UITSMIJTER
(Ham and Egg Sandwich)

INGREDIENTS

1 teaspoon butter (1 additional tablespoon later)Uitsmijter-
2 slices white bread
1 tablespoon butter
2 eggs
4 slices or 4 ounces ham
2 ounces Gouda, Edam, or cheddar cheese
4 thinly sliced cucumber circles
dash of salt
dash of pepper

Makes 1 sandwich. Takes 10 minutes.

PREPARATION

Lightly toast bread. Smooth 1 teaspoon butter on butter slices. Add 1 tablespoon butter to pan. Melt butter using medium heat. Add 2 eggs. Cook eggs sunny-side up using medium to your desired level of doneness. (Dutch restaurants usually have the eggs be runny.) Add ham, cheese, egg yolk-side up, and cucumber circles to bottom slice of bread. Sprinkle pepper and salt to egg. Top with second slice of bread.

TIDBITS

1) Tired of square hotels rooms? Why not visit the Dutch city of the Hague? Bed down in your own orange escape pod for the night. Yes, get rocked to sleep as your round pod gently rocks in a canal. Or not so gently, if a speed boat zips by. These rooms come with all the bars and amenities that can be fitted in a space eight feet wide. If you want to feel like Captain Nemo or James Bond ejecting from a spacecraft with a beautiful Russian spy, this is the overnight stay for you.

2) It’s no surprise that the Netherlands designed bobbing pod hotels. It’s also the birthplace for the 85-foot tall yellow rubber ducky that is being towed around the world for its healing properties. We may even feel so good that world peace might break out. Indeed, the creator’s giant ducky has been successful, scarcely anyone recalls the giant rubber frogs and bunnies he created.

3) And speaking of toys, a Dutchman is launching an exciting, new website. It will be designed for bashful people who desired the latest in sex toys. Modest browsers will be relieved to know that the site will have no nudity or even bad language.

4) Then’s there that giant blue UFO that was photographed over the Netherland’s main government building. It just shows you how anything can happen in politics. Look for its return from the safety of your escape pod.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Spotlight on Roz Warren – Author of “Our Bodies, Our Shelves”

rozfrontcoverfinalExcerpt from Lewd In The Library

 

The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue just came out, and all over America librarians are flipping through its pages and rolling their eyes.

The swimsuit issue, which isn’t actually about swimwear at all, but, is, instead, about young, beautifully shaped female bodies, is the single most stolen item in any public library. Shelve it in your magazine section like any other periodical? It’ll vanish. Like magic. Always. But hide it behind the Reference Desk and make your patrons sign it out?

Is that just good sense? Or is it censorship?

Every year, the swimsuit issue gets a bit more lascivious — the bikinis skimpier, the poses more provocative, the expressions on the models’ faces less about “Look at my strong, healthy body!” and more about “Do me! Now! Right here on the beach!”

This year’s cover shows three stunning young woman, topless, their backs to the camera, smiling happily at the viewer over their shoulders, their gorgeous rumps more revealed than concealed by itty wisps of fabric.

Is this really what we want to display on our library’s magazine rack?

Of course, the collection of my suburban Philadelphia library contains all three books in the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy, and numerous other examples of sexy contemporary “literature.” (And the sex scenes in the romances we circulate are hot hot hot.)

We librarians tend to be fans of the First Amendment. I’m a card-carrying member of the ACLU myself. I even subscribe to Playboy — for the articles and interviews, of course.

What I’m saying is that I’m all for pornography.

But there’s a time and a place for porn. I wasn’t sure this was the time or the place. I’m in charge of processing and then shelving incoming magazines. Before putting this one out on the floor, I decided to consult my supervisor.

Carol and I perused the issue together.

“OMG!” “Would you look at that?” “Yikes!” “Do you even see a swimsuit in this picture?” “Gosh!” “I hope her mother never sees that shot.”

This was pretty hot stuff.

We were inclined to stash it behind the reference desk, along with the other stuff that patrons like to steal. The Tuesday “Science” section of The New York Times. The Morningstar weekly stock market updates.

But first, we brought the issue to the head of the library.

Our boss took a look, then said, “Just shelve it. Don’t treat it differently than any other magazine. It’s no worse than what they can see every day on television.”

That woman sure loves the First Amendment.

And, of course, the truth is that we’re living in an era where anyone, of any age, can view all the naked tushies they want, whenever they want, online.
“Put a security tag on it, of course,” she added. Although we all know how easy it is to remove those tags.

Before I shelved it, my co-workers passed it around. The consensus? We weren’t exactly shocked. But we weren’t exactly thrilled either.

We’re all middle-aged women. Many of us are grandmas. Still, in our heyday, we too were hot chicks. But you can be a hot chick and not want to share that aspect of yourself with the entire world. The kind of young woman who is drawn to library work is rarely the kind of young woman who ends up spilling out of her bikini on the cover of a magazine.

We librarians don’t tend to let it all hang out.

Which means that we are, increasingly, at odds with our culture. Modesty? How retro is that? Dignity? Forget about it.

Still, we proudly stand behind the First Amendment. Perhaps, to a fault. And while I wasn’t exactly elated about adding that little touch of smarm to our quiet reading room, I went ahead and shelved the swimsuit issue, just like any other magazine.

Within 24 hours, it was gone.

 

Biography

 

rozauthorphoto

Roz Warren, “the world’s funniest librarian,” writes forThe New York Times, The Funny Times, The Christian Science Monitor, The Jewish Forward and The Huffington Post. And she‘s been featured on the Today Show. (Twice!) Roz is the editor of the ground-breaking Women’s Glib humor collections, including titles like The Best Contemporary Women’s Humor, Men Are From Detroit, Women Are From Paris and When Cats Talk Back. Our Bodies, Our Shelves is her thirteenth humor book. Years ago, Roz left the practice of law to take a job at her local public library “because I was tired of making so damn much money.” She has no regrets.

Website: www.rosalindWarren.com
Connect with her on Facebook and Twitter

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The Suicidal Ants of Poway, California

??????????

Was it a sign of the end of the world? Should we stocking up on mini-tacos? All I know for sure is that in my town of Poway, cultural an and capital of San Diego County, the ant population plunged last week. Specifically, they died in my refrigerator, in my freezer.

Why did they do that? Was it a long-postponed attempt to lay a guilt trip on me for that childhood ant farm where they all died? Honestly, I didn’t mean it. Perhaps I filled my farm with soldier ants from differing colonies. I’ll just have to live with the horrible uncertainty for the rest of my life.

Why did they commit suicide where they did? For a full day they streamed into the freezer section to meet their icy deaths. Who among us can really feel an ant’s angst” Were they exo-skeletal weary of the daily, relentless onslaught of spiders, lizards,  Rustler’s Round UpTM ant traps, and the terrifying stomping action of the human’s foot? Did they finally say, “Enough, cruel word!”                                                                                                               The Ant’s Graveyard

Or was Norway stirring things up again? After all, this country brought us Viking raids and lutefisk, the worst-tasting, smelliest, glueist food the world has even seen. Perhaps Norway’s dysfunctional lemmings infected Poway’s ants with their morose attitudes? Before the days of cable TV, I doubt may Powegian ants ever heard of suicidal lemmings. Now, look what happens.

Mass extinctions of species by suicide. It might be the end of the world. Bummer. Or maybe, I’ve just invented a better ant trap.

– Paul De Lancey, Mighty Hunter

4novels

Check out my latest novel, the Christmas thriller, Beneficial Murders. My books are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com, 

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Aioli Sauce

French Appetizer

AIOLI SAUCE

INGREDIENTSAioliSauce-

4 garlic cloves
4 egg yolks (possibly 1 more)
½ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon white pepper
1 cup extra virgin olive oil (1 additional cup later)
2½ teaspoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon warm water (possibly ½ teaspoon more later)
1 cup extra virgin olive oil

SPECIAL UTENSILS

mortar and pestle or garlic press

Makes 2 cups. Takes 15 minutes.

PREPARATION

Peel garlic cloves. Crush garlic cloves with mortar and pestle or garlic press. Add egg yolks, crushed garlic, salt, and pepper to mixing bowl. Blend gently with whisk. Slowly add in 1 cup olive oil, whisking gently, but constantly. There should only be a thin drizzle of olive oil going into the mixing bowl. This process should take minutes. If you hurry the olive oil, you’ll just end up with a liquidy something. Then you’ll wander aimlessly in the nearby woods shouting, “Why? Why?” over and over again.

Add lemon juice and warm water, whisking constantly. Slowly add in remaining 1 cup olive oil, whisking gently and constantly until the oil gets absorbed and mixture is slightly thinner than mayonnaise. If aioli sauce curdles or separates, add 1 egg yolk and ½ tablespoon warm water into second mixing bowl. Beat with whisk. Gradually add curdled or separated sauce to beaten egg in second bowl. Mix gently with whisk. This sauce goes well with chicken proscuitto sandwiches, turkey sandwiches, raw vegetables, and fish.

TIDBITS

1) The Beatles were Britain’s greatest rock-and-roll band. They came to America in 1964 to star on The Ed Sullivan Show. But The Cinq Escargots, France’s greatest rock-and-roll band, had been Mr. Sullivan’s first choice. And why not? These jaunty musicians had electrified Gallic crowds with Je Voudrais un Oeuf and had made all the mademoiselles swoon with the ballad, Farine du Blé.

2) The Cinq Escargots didn’t trust American cooking. They brought their own snails. The snails got loose and stampeded the crowd. The show got cancelled. The Beatles replaced them and became famous. The disgraced Cinq Escargots flew back to France and became mimes.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Doctor Economics – America Needs to Expand

GlobalWar

America’s last bit of expansion, from the 1840s to the 1890s was a great period for dime-novelists and newspaper reporters. Yep, those people went to work with a smile knowing their country was strong and their jobs secure.

Then we gave up the Philippines and various bitty islands in the Pacific. As a result, Americans stopped reading and turned to cat videos on the internet. What should we do? I’m glad you asked. We need to expand.

How? By force? Oh heavens, no. The world these days frowns on aggression and what with all those nuclear weapons stashed all over the world, conquest is a might dangerous.

Expansion by war – bad!

Then how do we expand? By purchasing Leichtenstein, that tiny country in the middle of Europe. It would be a bargain. If we paid each of Liechtenstein’s 35,000 citizens a million dollars, it would cost only $35 billion, lock, stock, and barrel.

But we don’t have that money what with continued fighting in Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan, and elsewhere. However, these conflicts are really an opportunity in disguise. Simply stop the fighting in these hot spots until we’ve saved $35 billion. How did we get the enemy insurgents to lay down their arms?

By giving them soft ice cream cones. Admittedly your average Joe Desert Fanatic will not stop shooting, bombing, and carrying on forever for soft ice cream. But he will for a few months, especially in those hot summer months, when the sun bakes the sand, bakes you and all you can think of is a nice, cool, creamy chocolate/vanilla swirl served up in a sugar cone.

Voila, the conflict stops for a spell. We spend the savings on Leichtenstein. What are the benefits? First, it helps our national pride. Second, we could use the vast forests of that tiny land to print billions and billions of novels, providing steady employment to thousands of needy writers. Third, we could join the European Union. Our farmers would become eligible for those legendary EU subsidies handed out to thistelwort farmers. But most importantly, our tourists could visit Europe and never leave America. Life doesn’t get any better than that.

– Paul De Lancey, Dr. Economics

4novels

Check out my latest novel, the Christmas thriller, Beneficial Murders. My books are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com, 

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: humor, international, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Salami and Eggs

American Entree

SALAMI AND EGGS

INGREDIENTSSalamiAndEggs-

3 ⅓” thick slices Hebrew NationalTM salami
2 eggs
¼ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vegetable oil
1 teaspoon deli mustard (optional)

Makes 1 plate. Takes 10 minutes.

PREPARATION

Make ¼”-long notches around the edges of each salami slice. (This help keeps the salami flat during cooking.) Add eggs and salt to mixing bowl. Blend well with whisk. Add salami slices and oil to pan. Sauté salami slices on medium for 1 minute, flipping once, or until both sides are only slightly browned.

Add blended eggs to pan. Gently lift the salami slices so that the blended eggs can flow underneath them. Cook on medium heat for 1½ minutes or until eggs are golden brown on the bottom. (You might need to lift up the eggs and salami with a spatula to take a look.) Flip eggs and salami over with a large spatula and cook for another 1½ minutes or until eggs are again golden brown on the bottom. Spread deli mustard on top of eggs and salami, if desired.

TIDBITS

1) This dish, salami and eggs, is round and mostly flat. UFOs are round and mostly flat.

2) The salami slices in this entree are clustered in the middle. The UFO’s aliens cluster in the life-support dome, located in the middle.

3) People do not love aliens. They fear them. This is why movies such as War of the Worlds, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and Mars Need Women get made.

4) People love eggs. People love salami. This is why aliens from outer space make their spaceships look so much like salami and eggs. They want to be loved. The space creatures are also bashful and insecure. Which is why they don’t barge in with their massive, powerful death rays and obliterate us.

5) Why would they even consider invading Earth? Ironically, there are no eggs and salami on the aliens’ planets. We should take advantage of the aliens shyness and make the first gesture toward lasting galactic peace by offering them some of our eggs and salami. In return, they would tell us how to get rid of all our pollution and how to cook eggs without having them stick to our pans. How do the aliens know how to cook eggs if they don’t have them? They just do.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Spotlight on Amy Gettinger – Author of “Roll With The Punches”

AmyCover

Excerpt from Roll with the Punches

Marian poured tea. “So who else wrote something this week?”

“Not me.” Jackie nudged me. “But Rhonda, back to your new long-lunch hottie. How big is his bat? Can I use him for my next hero? Pitcher, catcher, pirate or man about town?”

Yvette smiled up from my book. “Our little Rhonda’s a pirate’s treasure?”

I had to endure patronizing from Yvette now? “Look, there is no he.” I looked to James for support, but the traitor was cozily reading my book over Yvette’s shoulder. I narrowed my eyes at Jackie. “Hey. Has anyone tried the new George Bonner and Jackie Shawn Memorial Tollway yet?”

Grins all around.

I sighed. “Okay. Fine. My long lunches have all been spent in Sports of Call, looking for ska-sheets.”

Crap. I’d almost said skates. I was skirting disaster here. This group knew James played street hockey and roller hockey. What they didn’t know was that I had recently run across my old inline skates from high school, when Harley and I had practiced speed skating against my brothers, who had competed statewide. We’d been good. Now, I’d started doing some outdoor skating practice to fight flab, and it was a blast, just wicked fun. It would be even more fun when James and I went rollerblading at Venice Beach, my dream date. But Venice Beach was a drive. The roller rink was closer, so at Sports of Call, I’d just splurged on a gorgeous new pair of quad roller skates, which were slower but maneuvered better for indoor skating. If this bunch found out about my skating practice or my new skates, they’d kid both James and me to death and surely wreck my chances with him.

“Yeah, sheets,” I said, decisively.

“Sheets for him? Scarlet silk or black satin?” Jackie drawled, mistaking my blush for an admission of guilt.

“Us library nerds sleep on parchment,” I said. “Uh. Care to read some pages, George?”

“Rhonda, you don’t go to Sports of Call for sheets,” Marian said.

I checked my watch. “Look, if no one else wrote anything new, I’ll see ya.” I rose and started to push past Jackie, who blocked my way.

“But you might go there to visit a boyfriend,” Jackie trilled. “Is he that guy at the ski counter? Or a mountain climber? No. I know. A surfer. Smoking hot in a Speedo with washboard abs. With your lifesaving skills, Rhonda, you could administer CPR daily.”

George sang under his breath, “Help me, Rhonda.”

Jackie chimed in. “Help, help me …”

Rhonda!” they all yelled at the tops of their lungs. My lips could have pressed pennies as the whole group broke into a bawdy Beach Boys cacophony, even James joining in, completely off-key. Only Yvette stayed mum, frown lines deepening in her forehead as she kept reading my magnum opus.

Oh, to hell with my short skirt. I hoisted a knee to crawl right over Jackie just as Yvette broke in, in piercing tones. “Excuse me! Sit down, Rhonda! This is exactly why this group needs a leader.”

The group ignored her, singing even louder.

Yvette yelled, “Has anyone read the new Reynard Jackson book, Memory Wars?”

Jackson was a reclusive genius who had rocketed to the bestseller list three years before, with four new titles out per year since then. His whereabouts were a state secret. His work was slick, predictable, shallow, uneven, and unaccountably beloved by millions of readers.

I sat down and squinched my eyes shut. If I didn’t look at the group, maybe they’d all stop bawling at me to get her out of their hearts.

Over their cackles and bawls, Yvette shrilled, “People! This is disturbing. I read constantly for my job, but this is really bad.” She pointed at my manuscript like it was rat droppings.

“Could we get a muzzle for her?” I said to Jackie, who elbowed me hard.

The room sullenly quieted down. This woman was such a wet blanket.

Yvette smiled in triumph. “You see, I’ve already read this exact story. Last week. In a published work. The chubby strawberry-blond main character here?” She held up my manuscript. “Well, Reynard Jackson’s latest protagonist is a chubby strawberry-blond—”

“Oh, strawberry-blond characters are a dime a dozen,” George said, still feeling his oats. “And Rhonda always writes ’em chubby … Takes one to know—Ouch!”

Marian of the steel-toed pumps smiled.

Yvette slammed my manuscript down on the table. “But wait. Jackson’s strawberry-blonde neuroscientist, Dr. Amelia Steele, discovers a memory serum that will cure not only her great aunt’s Alzheimer’s, but also her handsome, shell-shocked army captain with amnesia who can only be saved by knowing the truth about his dark past.”

I looked up, my stomach sinking.

She went on. “Dr. Steele and Captain Russell Bonner work against an evil drug company, Sinbad Pharmaceuticals. It sells expensive anti-Alzheimer’s drugs and will stop at nothing to keep Dr. Steele’s permanent cure for the disease off the market. The heroes nearly get killed in the process of saving old people’s memories everywhere.”

Silence in the room.

Jackie looked sick. “Oh, my God. If you change the names, that’s Rhonda’s book!”

AmyPhoto

Author bio

Amy Gettinger, once a part-time community college ESL instructor, lives and writes in her dream house in Orange County, California underneath a eucalyptus windrow full of parrots and crows with her husband and her two piteous poodles. For fun, she walks the beach cliff path at Laguna Beach. She also writes and produces Reader’s Theater plays for nonagenarians in a local assisted living facility. Her blog Raucous Eucalyptus, Piteous Poodles, is at amygettinger.com.

Her book is available on Amazon.

 

 

Categories: book reviews and excerpts | Tags: , , , | 2 Comments

Noodles With Poppy Seeds

Polish Dessert

NOODLES WITH POPPY SEEDS

INGREDIENTSPoppyPasta-

8-ounce bag egg noodles
¼ cup poppy seeds
2 tablespoons butter
3 tablespoons honey

Takes 15 minutes. Makes 4 bowls.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

spice grinder

PREPARATION

Cook egg noodles according to instructions on bag. While noodles cook, melt butter. Grind poppy seeds thoroughly with spice grinder. Drain noodles. Add ground poppy seeds, melted butter, and honey to noodles. Mix ingredients with fork until well blended.

TIDBITS

1) I was tempted to write, “Toss ingredients,” but I recently saw a football movie and I kept picturing someone tossing the poppy pasta down the length on the kitchen.

2) Pasta football almost caught on during World War II. Real football production had ceased in 1942 due to wartime restrictions. Real footballs became harder and harder to find.

3) Professional football merged to conserve the nation’s dwindling supply of real footballs.

4) But the fans in the cities that lost their teams still wanted to see professional football. Patriotic Polish-American chefs came up with the poppy pasta football. It was enough for the football starved fans. In 1944, the PPPFL, Polish Poppy Pasta Football League was formed.

5) The league was comprised of franchises from: St. Louis, Poway, California, Keokuk, Illinois, Madison, Wisconsin, Taos, New Mexico, and Biloxi, Mississippi. The league did not thrive. The poppy pasta football kept disintegrating in the rain.

6) Then on November 17, 1944 with Keokuk losing to Poway 44 to 13 and three minutes left, Keokuk quarterback, Chris Gashud ate the last football. No football, no more playing. There were no rules to cover this. The game was considered to be the same as a rainout. Losing teams took their cue from this incidents and ate the pasta ball in the final minutes of game after game. The league folded in late December.

7) Isn’t Gashud Swedish for “gooseflesh?” Yes, it is.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Doctor Economics – What We Should Do With Spammers

Penny

What is the most annoying aspect of our lives? It is, of course, spam on our computers. Spam is broken down into three basic types: ViagraTM, ways to lengthen your penis, and offers to inherit money from an ex-Nigerian dictator. All of this is only really useful to the kin of Nigerian dictators who are trying to finance penis-enhancement operations. And how many of us fit that description?

How about eat the spammers? Only four problems occur to me. First cannibalism in illegal in all fifty states. (I’m reasonably sure there’s religious exemption for this.) Second, how do we find the spammers? Third. what wine goes with grilled spammer? Merlot? Zinfandel? There are no books for this.

So, cannibalism is out. I never had much stomach for it anyway. I therefore propose a fee on all e-mail. Now hold your horses partner, let me finish. It would only be a small fee, say one cent per 100 e-mail recipients. If you only sent e-mail to five people each day, your annual fee would come to 18c. Affordable, you bet.

But what about the billions of dollars that would flow into the Federal Coffers from this levy? I’m glad you asked. Here are my suggestions.

1) Reduce the Federal deficit.

2) Bacon and chocolate for everyone.

3) Reduce taxes.

4) Subsidize the CowboyMetricsTM Society. (Helping out the statistically challenged kids of cowboys everywhere.)

5) Bacon and chocolate for everyone.

6) Lower the price of cell-phone plans.

7) Add gourmet lunches to all school cafeterias.

8) Jail cells for all those who don’t make their choices before getting to the fast-food counters.

9) Jail cells for all those who block the aisles in supermarkets with their carts.

10) Teaching quilt making to all the people who soon be in our prisons.

11) Develop computers that never freeze.

12) Bacon and chocolate for everyone.

– Paul De Lancey, Dr. Economics

4novels

Check out my latest novel, the Christmas thriller, Beneficial Murders. My books are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com, 

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

 

 

 

 

Categories: humor, finance, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Chocolate Mousse

French Dessert

CHOCOLATE MOUSSE

INGREDIENTSChocolateMousse-

6 ounces bittersweet chocolate
3 eggs
1½ cups heavy cream
6 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 can whipped cream (Optional in some households. Mandatory in mine.)
2 teaspoons chocolate shavings*

* = Already made chocolate shavings are hard to find. You may generate them by taking a grater or a knife to a bar of dark chocolate or
by using a food processor.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

sonic obliterator

PREPARATION

Add chocolate to pan. Cook on medium heat until chocolate melts completely Stir constantly. Put melted chocolate in large, first mixing bowl and let cool down to room temperature.

Separate egg whites from egg yolks. Add egg whites to second mixing bowl and beat them with whisk until you see peaks form. Add egg yolks to third mixing bowl and beat them egg yolks until they become fluffy. Add heavy cream, sugar, and vanilla extract to fourth mixing bowl. Whisk
until cream becomes frothy.

You may become frothy as well. Just don’t let anyone see you and if they do say you’re the chef and as chef you’re entitled to be this way and would you like to prepare dinner instead? No, I didn’t think so. Okay then, on with the recipe.

Fold egg yolks completely into melted chocolate. Fold egg whites completely into chocolate/egg white mix. Fold in heavy cream/sugar/vanilla extract mix until completely blended. Divide mousse equally between cups. Let guests garnish their mousses with a much whipped cream and chocolate shaving. Serve chilled.

Use sonic obliterator on any guests who use up the whipped cream. You don’t need the negativity of the succeeding, whipped-cream deprived guests.

TIDBITS

1) The plural of chocolate mousse is chocolate mousses.

2) The plural of moose is moose.

3) Why not?

4) Teddy Roosevelt ran for president in 1912 on the Bull Moose ticket.

5) In 1902, he saved a bear from getting shot. This idea inspired Morris Michtom to invent the teddy bear. Hundreds of millions of children have owned and loved this toy.

6) There’s a campaign picture from 1912 of Teddy Roosevelt riding a moose across a river.

7) This event inspired Silas B. Firefly to invent the chocolate moose. Chocolate moose were especially popular Easter treats for decades.

8) Indeed, we’d still be eating chocolate moose on Easter and other days as well if it weren’t for the disputed presidential election of 1960. Some people think there were enough voting irregularities in that campaign for Nixon to have won in a recount.

9) But a recount didn’t happen. Nixon thought a recount would have caused permanent divisions in America. Also, many culinary historians believe he made a deal with Kennedy. If he, Richard Nixon, would not contest the election, Kennedy would do all he could to drive the chocolate-moose manufacturers out of business, paving the way for chocolate-bunny dominance.

10) For Nixon was also a fervent chocolate-bunny lower and hated the more popular moose design. His parents never could find chocolate bunny to give their irate little Richard on Easter morning.

11) Although he never talked about it, the whole thing left Richard Milhous Nixon embittered for life. Nixon entered politics with a strong desire to set things right in America. He eventually became president.

12) As president, Nixon went to China. He negotiated treaties with them. As a result, Chinese food became wildly popular in America. We didn’t have to eat weird things in JelloTM molds any more. Nixon became wildly popular.

12) Then came Watergate. His involvement in those political shenanigans made him wildly unpopular. People forgot that all the undiscovered China dishes he brought back to this land. They forgot how good Jello could taste just by itself. Oh, and they forgot how he brought a stable, less threatening relationship with China. So, he resigned.

13) But his legacy of the chocolate Easter bunny lives on. We have not had a nuclear war since the chocolate bunny won our hearts.

14) And every president since Nixon gives a chocolate bunny to every world leader who visits America. Two bunnies, if the foreign dignitary visits the White House on Easter.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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