The Hottest New Sport #2 – Ceiling Soccer

Regular soccer is boring. Where’s the head rush in playing it? If only we could make it different.

I’m glad you spoke up. It’s time to play Ceiling Soccer.

How does one play Ceiling Soccer? Simply pump up the ball with helium. (Don’t use hydrogen; it’s prone to exploding in flames.) The ball will rise to the top. How do we get the players to ceiling? Magnetize the arena’s walls and ceiling. Make the soccer shoes metallic. The players can now climb up the walls and stay on the ceiling.

Will the players be upside down? Absolutely. Won’t the players’ blood pool into their head? Oh yes, that’s how they’ll get their head rushes. Will the jerseys need to be metallic as well? Yes, or else gravity will pull them off the players.

Ceiling Soccer.



– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on

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