My Not to Do List – Part 4


Since I’ve been so gosh darn successful at not doing the previous things I’d set out not to do, I thought I’d continue with my virtuous inertia and not do some more things. Here are things I won’t be doing today.

1) I will not eat eggplant.

2) I will not snack between snacks.

3) I will not call my congressmen to say, “Well done.”

4) I will debate anything with any penguin.

5) I will not untangle any cords.

6) I will not fry an egg in zero gravity.

7) I will not count my pennies.

9) I will not do any weeding.

10) I will not order spices over the internet.

11) I will not clean toilets.

12) I will not ride around my neighborhood on an elephant. Not even when the temperature drops in the evening.

13 I will not mix root beer with horseradish.

– Paul R. De Lancey, great no-doer

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on

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