Paraguayan Entree
BIFE KOYGUA
(Beef Stew)
INGREDIENTS
2 garlic cloves
1 large onion
1 medium potato
1 tomato
⅛ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
2 8-ounce steaks, sirloin or tenderloin
2 tablespoons olive or vegetable oil (1 tablespoon more later)
1 tablespoon olive or vegetable oil
1 bay leaf
½ teaspoon oregano
2 cups water
2 eggs
2 teaspoons fresh parsley
SPECIAL UTENSIL
mandoline (optional)
“
Serves 2*. Takes 40 minutes.
* = Multiply the amount of ingredients by 2 if you’re serving 4. Multiply by 1.896,310 if everyone in Los Angeles is coming for dinner. And with that many people coming, insist that they at least bring their dishes to the sink. That’s how I was raised.
PREPARATION
Mince garlic. Cut onion and potato into ¼” slices using mandoline or knife. Dice tomatoes. Rub garlic, pepper, and salt onto steaks. Add oil and onion to large pot. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Remove onion. Add 1 tablespoon olive oil. Add steaks. Sauté steaks for 3 minutes or until they brown. Flip steaks once.
Add potato slices, bay leaf, oregano, and water, enough to cover potato. Cook at medium-high heat for 15 minutes or until potato becomes tender. Place onion and tomato on steaks. Crack an egg over each steak. Reduce heat to medium. Cook until eggs and steaks are done to your liking. (If you prefer your meat to be less cooked, the steaks may be taken out before the eggs are done or even before the eggs are added.) Remove bay leaf. Dice parsley. Garnish steaks with parsley.
TIDBITS
1) Look at the above photograph for Bife Koygua. There’s something about this entree that’s different from any other.
2) Notice the potatoes.
3) No, the potatoes slices are not worthy of note because they all are exactly ¼” thick, although well spotted you!
4) It’s because the spud bits are just wee bit off the close end of the plate.
5) That’s is no accident. The potato slices are, indeed, trying to make an escape.
6) If I had delayed snapping this photograph by just ten minutes, they would have completely escaped the plate. Ten more minutes would have seen them escaping the open front door for the safety of your bushes. (Another reason to keep your home locked up.)
7) For no sentient potato looks forward to being eaten.
8) Are all potatoes capable of rational thought?
9) No.
10) The only cogitating tuber is the Patata Rapida of Paraguay.
11) Who grows the Patata Rapida?
12) Patatas Son Nosotros Corporació (PSNC) does.
13) Why did PSNC come up with the quick moving Patata Rapida?
14) The corporation was not trying for sprinting spuds. Instead they had hoped to create potatoes that cooked quicker. Imagine baking a potato in just five minutes instead of up to an hour or more?
15) What could you do with all the extra time?
16) You could take up painting. Or you could spend some frisky time with your spouse.
17) Unfortunately, PSNC’s genetic experiments yielded quick taters, not to be confused with dictators.
18) Can you find Patatas Rapida in supermarkets?
19) No, they always escape. Culinary police point with horror to the mass Rapida escape of 2021 in Paducah, Kentucky. Surly gangs of Patatas Rapida (PRs) roamed the Paduchan night, harassing good citizens out for a pleasant evening stroll. Most states and municipalities now ban the sale of PRs. Now you know.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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