Posts Tagged With: mold

Nutmeg Glycerin Soap

NUTMEG GLYCERIN SOAP

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INGREDIENTS
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1 tablespoon nutmeg
3 tablespoons isopropyl alcohol
isopropyl alcohol or butter to coat molding
2 pounds glycerin soap base
½ teaspoon nutmeg essential oil
isopropyl alcohol to spray away bubbles forming on soap
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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soap molding
spray bottle
soap slicer (optional)
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Makes 10½ bars, 1″ wide. Takes 3 hours.
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PREPARATION
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Add nutmeg and 3 tablespoons alcohol to mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended.
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Spray silicon mold with isopropyl alcohol or rub with butter.
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Cut glycerin base into 1″ cubes. Add glycerin to large glass measuring cups. Use microwave to melt base in 30 second intervals. Stir after every time. Let sit for 15 minutes or until well blended. (This inhibits nutmeg from settling to the bottom of the soap molding.)  Add nutmeg/isopropyl mix and nutmeg essential oil. Mix with knife until well blended.
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Pour into soap mold. If desired, lightly spray bubbles with isopropyl alcohol to make them disappear. Let sit for 3 hours. Use soap slicer to cut soap into slices 1″ wide.
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TIDBITS
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1) Nutmeg and nitro sound the same.
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2) But they are not. This recipe, nutmeg glycerin, produces a nice scent. You can safely make nutmeg glycerin. You can ever safely shower with it.
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3) Nitroglycerin, however, possess explosive tendencies. Making nitroglycerin in your kitchen will likely blow a hole in a wall. On the plus, the nitro blast passed over because you bent down to pick up a dime. You now have easy access from the kitchen to the dining room. And you’re ten cents richer.
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3) Strange to say, no soap recipe enjoins us not to use nitroglycerin. Let me be the first to do so.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: soap | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Art of Mild Insulting

Face it, the people out there are downright ornery. Just five seconds of talking is all it takes for your ever-pleasant “Hello” to “f”-you, “f”-word this, “your mama blanks blanks,” and “the horse you rode in on.”

Face it, you got nasty in a hurry.  But you feel a deep, primordial desire to insult them. They are unpleasant oafs after all. You want a list of mild-mannered insults at your command in case you need another such blighter.

I’m glad you asked.

PAUL’S LIST OF MILD INSULTS

You paper cut
You dentist
You tomato stain
You hemarrhoid
You lutefisk
You Brussels sprout
You’re past your best-by date
You rectal itch
You doctor’s waiting room
You 7-10 split
You income tax
You colon blockage
May your shoes pinch
You spam call
You customer service
You movie spoiler
You Facebook(tm) meal
You seven-minute red light
You mosquito
You garbage strike
You line cutter
Your the bo’s bo
You speed trap
You left over that got put into Tupperware(tm) but eventually was pushed to the back of the fridge and became moldy
or more simply
You mold
You hospital gown
You over spice
You stapler without staplers.
You empty ketchup bottle

There, you have it. You are now ready to insult gracefully. Go out and give the give those oafs what for, you magnificent sunbeam, you.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Learning to speak, Mild mannered man, wise words | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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