Paul’s Awesome Buyers Report

Usually Paul’s Awesome Buyer’s Report (PABB) examines the strengths and weakness of similar products, plastic wraps for example, and comes down with a well-researched answer. Sometimes, however, we already know what we want. In these cases, we only want to figure out how many to buy.

Gentle reader, PABB hears you! In this issue, we examine the correct number of men’s briefs to buy online. The picture below shows various amounts of briefs to purchase and their corresponding custs.

And the analysis is in. The recommendation of Paul’s Awesome Buyer’s Report: buy seven briefs. Purchase 3 briefs only if a 16-ton anvil has just dropped on your head and you need all of your brain’s analytic prowess just to stay upright. Buy 5 if you’re merely pickled to the gills. Buy 6 if you’re studying Portuguese verbs for a final exam and don’t want to push any recent conjugations out of your mind.

There.

Issue #2

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Paul’s Awesome Buyers’ Report – Plastic Wrap

While we’ve been concentrating on foreign wars, domestic politics, and the economy, an issue of great importance to all of us has been allowed to fester.

Namely, the truly fetid state of many plastic wraps. Plastic wraps, WHEN THEY WORK, are invaluable in helping food last longer. When they don’t work, the plastic usually is doing a fantastic job of adhering to itself. It’s nigh on impossible to remove any plastic from the rest of the plastic on the roll. Indeed, the whole state of affairs has gotten so bad, that some of the poorer militaries around the world use rolls of plastic wrap in their bazookas.

American consumers yearn for information on plastic wrap. Who will help them choose the good wraps and avoid the bad ones? Who? Who will bear the consumers’ burden?

America, Paul’s Awesome Buyer’s Report hears you. Here is its first in depth analysis.

But first, we must go over PABE’s, Paul’s Awesome Buyers’ Report, rating system.

From worst to best:

Evil
Bad
So so
Good
Heavenly

In this issue I analyzed the following wraps

Saran(tm) Premim Wrap – Evil

I could not any plastic to pull off the roll no matter how hard and long I tried. I ended up throwing it away,

Reynolds(tm) Kitchens Plastic Wrap – Good

The great virtue of this product is its built-in side cutter. As Reynolds states, “Clean cut every time.” You’ll never again buy any plastic wrap without a built-in a side cutter.

Reynold’s = Good
Saran’s = Evil

There.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.