Monthly Archives: September 2025

Oklahoma Venison Burger

American Entree

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OKLAHOMA VENISON BURGER

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INGREDIENTS­
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1 onion
1 pound ground venison or ground beef
⅛ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
4 hamburger buns
1 ½tablespoon vegetable oil
4 slices American or cheddar cheese
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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mandoline
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Serves 4. Takes 35 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Use mandoline to cut onion into slices 1/16″ thick. Add venison, pepper, and salt to mixing bowl. Mix with hands until well blended. Divide venison into 4 balls..
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Add venison balls to flat surface. Top venison balls with equal amounts of onion slices. Use large spatula to smash venison balls into patties ¼” thick. (Make sure the onion slices are totally smashed into the patty.)
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Add vegetable oil to pan. Use spatula to add as many flattened patties to pan ast will fit without touching. (You might to cook in batches.) Cook patties at medium heat for 4 minutes or until the bottom of the patties brown and the edges start to crisp.
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Use large spatula to carefully turn over patties. Cook for another 3 minutes or until onion bits turn golden brown, or caramelize, and patties reach desired level of doneness. Top patties with a cheese slice. Cook for 1 minute more or until cheese melts. While venison patties cook, toast buns. Assemble burger with your favorite toppings and dig in. Yum.
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TIDBITS
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1) Smashing onion into burgers during the Great Depression was a way to stretch expensive beef. This idea is credited by culinary historians for lifting America of the Great Depression.
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2) On the other hand, their cousins, the culinary physicists, are using particle accelerators to test the properties of Oklahoma Venison Burgers, OVB, under extreme conditions. What do they hope to find? They’re not saying. We should worry.
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My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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I Was Beside Myself Today

When my future hung in the balance.

Future me scowled. He pointed to his suitcase. “Ow!” Perhaps he should have pointed with his free hand. “You have a purpose.” He scowled again. “And change out of those pajamas. They have baby dinosaurs on them. And at noon as well.”
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I stiffened. I tried to pull myself up to a full six feet, four inches. I failed though, being only six feet tall. “I’m retired. I can wear what I like, whenever I like. So bugger off.”
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“Listen Paul,” said the stranger. “I haven’t come to set you on the path to sartorial splendor. Heck, I remember wearing those dino pajamas to dinner, sometimes later than that.”
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A bulb lit up above my mead, a low-wattage one sure, but it still went off.
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“So you’re me.” I had originally thought, ‘Your me,’ but I corrected that mental typo before either of us noticed. What brings you back. Did you want to be beside yourself?”
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I thought sure he’d guffaw at that jest. He didn’t.
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He looked like a man who’d been forced to feed lutefisk to his children.
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I tried to lift the mood.
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“Why did the man cross the Mobius strip?”
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“To get to the same side.”
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Nothing, That knee slapper left future man shrouded in gloom.
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My synapses fired. “Why are you so sad? What can I do?”
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He pointed to the suitcase. “It’s full of Amos Keeto novels.”
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“Amos Keeto, the master of culinary noir.”
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He nodded.
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“Well future me, what do you want me to do?”
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“Take them back to the library. Now! Don’t run up five years of library fines. You’ll lose all your savings, your home, everything. Those librarians are a byword for terror. You’ll wander the streets muttering, ‘but they were such page turners.’ You’ll earn just enough for your daily meatball, by selling snot to biochem warfare labs. Please return then now.”
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And so I did. I even changed into street clothes to do it.
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My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: about me, what I did | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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