Sure, you spend a lot of time creating scrumptious meals for special friends and loved ones. But you’ll feel all squooshy inside when they dig into your culinary creation, ask for thirds, scrape the plate clean, and give you a smile that warms and energizes your tired heart. Then they say, “This was absolutely delicious. I appreciate every hour you spent creating this for me. I can tell this was a labor of love, because I love this food more than any food I’ve ever eaten,” and life can’t get any better.
Then there are the blighters who invite themselves over for a month without even a consultation, who unaccountably are allowed to stay by the rest of the family, who expect dinner to always be ready at a time that’s early for you, and who feel no remorse about showing up with fast food, without calling to check with you, see that you’re about to serve a gourmet meal, sit down at the table and eat their fast-food sandwiches without apology or comment.
What to do? You want revenge. Sure, but murder is illegal. Help me, you cry! Fret not, unappreciated host and chef, I am here to help.
Drive them out with unappealing food. Come over to the dark culinary side with these people-chasing recipes from my cookbook, 101 Meals for Unwanted Guests. These acid inducing recipes, inspired by the strange cuisine of 1050s America, will make the unwanted guests skedaddle out of your house lickety-split. You”ll have your house back and your kitchen back. And isn’t all that matters.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.