A Modest Proposal To Help America’s Frazzled Teachers

Our nation’s teachers are underpaid and overworked. Millions of parents shirk all responsibility for raising their little ogres, shipping them off to school so that Miss Brooks or Ms. Othmar may tame them for free for six hours. What do these harried pillars of our educational system get in return? Continual salary cuts and the occasional Granny Smith apple.

What can we do to make the lives of our noble educators better? Raise their salaries? Not likely in this economic climate? Is there an answer? Yes, there is and it’s so blindingly simple that everyone has overlooked it.

Until Now.


Install trapdoors in all our classrooms and give our teachers the remote.  This is the ideal solution. It’s a punishment. It’s a caution for the remaining students. It lightens your work load. The school still gets paid for the students in the dungeon below the trapdoors; after all they are still present on the school grounds. The few eager children remaining in the classroom gain a quiet contemplative atmosphere conducive to learning. It’s difficult to see a downside to trapdoors at school.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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