Art of mild insulting – Part 2
Face it, the people out there are unbridled arguers. Just five seconds of listening transforms you from the president of pleasantness to a hardened spewer of profanities that would make a marine blush
Face it, you’re acting like a bit bull that ate a habanero pepper. But you know it would be so satisfying to insult them. They are such unrelenting pests after all. You want an handy list of ready-made mild-mannered insults in case you need another such scurvy gadfly.
I’m glad you asked.
PAUL’S LIST OF MILD INSULTS
You blanket hog
You germ-ridden sneeze
You spilled milk
You stubbed toe
You nasal trip
You something in my eye
You bean-eating skunk
You butt-dialing cell phone
You static cling
You frizzy hair
You four-minute advertisement break
You junk mail
You robo call
You door-to-door salesman
You road repair
You halitosis
You day at the DMV
You burnt toast
You letter from the IRS
You dripping faucet
You speed bump
You orphan sock
You wilted lettuce
You bread mold
You mislaid car keys
You over ripe avocado
You toilet-paper hoarder
You germ-ridden sneeze
There, you have it. You are now ready for another round of insulting gracefully. Go out and give the give those oafs what for, you magnificent sunbeam, you.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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