Italian Entree
PAPPARDELLE WITH WILD BOAR* SAUCE
INGREDIENTS – MARINADE
2 pounds wild boar* or pork shoulder, slow reared pork, lamb, venison, or duck
1 carrot
1 stalk celery (1 stalk more later)
3 garlic cloves (2 more cloves later)
1 small onion (1 large onion later)
3 bay leaves
1 tablespoon juniper berries
½ teaspoon pepper
2 teaspoons peppercorns
1 teaspoon rosemary
1 teaspoon sage
3½ cups red wine (1⅓ cups more later)
* = Wild boar can be quite difficult to find nearby. It is also expensive online and you might be required more than you need. But if you can find it in your price range, please go for it.
INGREDIENTS – SAUCE
1 carrot
1 stalk celery
2 garlic cloves
1 medium onion
3 tablespoons olive oil
2 bay leaves
1⅓ cups red wine
¾ teaspoon salt
1¾ pounds (28 ounces) peeled tomatoes
1 pound pappardelle pasta
SPECIAL UTENSIL
sonic obliterator
Serves 4. Takes 18 hours to marinate and 2 hours 45 minutes to cook.
PREPARATION – MARINADE
Cut wild boar into ½” cubes. Dice 1 carrot, 1 stalk celery, 3 garlic cloves, and 1 small onion. Add to all marinade ingredients to 1st large mixing bowl Mix with large spoon until well blended and boar cubes are well coated. Cover and let sit in refrigerator for at least 12 hours or 18 hours, if possible. Remove wild-boar cubes and set aside. Discard the marinade.
PREPARATION – SAUCE
When the time for marinating is 30 minutes from being done, dice 1 carrot, 1 stalk celery, 2 garlic cloves, and 1 medium onion. Add olive oil carrot, celery, garlic, and small-onion bits to large pot. Sauté for 2 minutes at medium heat. Stir frequently. Add wild boar. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium heat or until all sides are browned. Stir frequently. Increase heat to medium-high. Add 2 bay leaves, 1⅓ cups red wine, and salt. Cook for 10 minutes until the alcohol from the wine evaporates or until the amount of liquid reduces by half. Stir enough to prevent burning. Reduce heat to medium and simmer for 10 minutes. Stir enough to keep from burning.
Add peeled tomatoes. Mix with spoon until well blended. Cover and simmer for 1 hour 30 minutes. Stir enough to keep sauce from burning. Add water as needed if sauce starts to disappear.
When sauce is 15 minutes from being done, cook pappardelle pasta according to instructions on package. Drain pasta. Add pasta to pot. Mix with large fork until well blended. Zap unappreciative guests with sonic obliterator. You don’t need that negativity in your kitchen.
TIDBITS
1) Extroverts love parties. Introverts abhor them. They’d rather visit a dentist than go to them.
2) Introverts avoid all types of people. Extroverts evade boring people.
3) So extroverts and introverts have something in common! Let the great rapprochement begin.
4) How?
5) Have the social people hire the party shirkers as bouncers. The introvert bouncers will snatch bores and toss them into the hall; never out the window, that’s wrong.
6) Anyway, the removal of the bores ensures a lively, party filled with bon mots and sparkling wit.
7) In return the partyphobes get paid well and get a separate room equipped with a buffet and quiet dogs and cats to pet.
8) Party-hating bouncers belong to the Fraternal* Order of Introvert Bouncers (FOIB).
9) How do party hosts hire the FOIBs? After all, tossing guests into the hall could very well be illegal. (It certainly is if your bouncers throw the bores out the window. Again, I say don’t do this; the law takes a rather stern view about manslaughter and grievous bodily harm.)
10) Sorry. Anyway, bore-hating hosts follow the following script when calling FOIB.
Bore-hating host:: Hi. We’d like to hire three bouncers for our little soirée tonight. We’re serving Pappardelle with Wild “Boar” Sauce.
FOIB: Certainly, will “guests” leave by the window or by the door?
Bore-hating host: No, no, no window. The door will be fine.
Note: In jobs like this one, the ability the speak in quotes is a great, legal plus.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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